


hearts that intertwine

by milkymilkyderection



Series: hearts that intertwine [1]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-20
Updated: 2016-03-29
Packaged: 2017-12-29 22:13:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 20
Words: 41,754
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1010721
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/milkymilkyderection/pseuds/milkymilkyderection
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AU; Louis, a male model from California, moves to Danvers, Massachusetts, where he meets Liam, a good Catholic school boy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Title from Madonna's song "Forbidden Love."

1\. Liam

It is midway of September, and Liam walks slowly down the sidewalk towards his house. He is lost in the autumn sky, admiring the red, orange, and yellow color that's infiltrating the trees in his neighborhood. Even the sky is red, with swirls of pink and blue. It's all so immaculate and beautiful that Liam fails to notice the moving truck parked in front of the house next door. He holds his backpack close over his right shoulder along with his small duffel bag of wet clothes in his left hand as he walks towards his front gate. His hair is still dripping water onto the black blazer draped over his shoulders. Liam's actually exhausted from swimming practice, which never really happens since he loves swimming, and even though the school year is just beginning, Liam is already feeling the stress building up inside. Liam figures his mother's constant neurosis is finally rubbing off on him. He just wants to get done with his homework, eat dinner, and shower before he goes to bed early enough to get at least eight hours of sleep. Before his hand reaches the knob on the gate door, the sounds of glass breaking and a loud "Shit!" coming from behind startles him. Liam quickly drops his backpack and duffel bag and turns to run towards the noise. It's then that he notices the truck and the piles of boxes lined up on the porch of the previously empty house.

"Is everything alright?"

In the back of the truck is a young man about 5'9'' with coffee brown hair and eyes that resembles the color of the sky on a perfect summer afternoon. His skin is tan and smooth, but obviously not his natural tone. With his white tank top thrown in the corner of the truck, he's wearing only a pair of black gym shorts and tennis shoes with no socks. Liam stares as the man bends over with his legs unbent and picks up a box that rattled with shattered glass. Liam's body stiffens as he watches the man's right bicep flex as he shoves the box under his arm. His wide eyes travel down the hard body in front of him in such concentration that Liam doesn't even notice the man look at him or hear the man respond to him. He breaks out of his daze when the man's laughter shoots into his ears.

"See something you like, kid?"

Liam shakes his head lightly and stutters, "I-I'm sorry, what?" The man laughs as he shakes his head, "Nothing, man." His voice is soft, delicate, and high-pitched, yet you can hear the assurance, almost arrogance when he asks, "What's your name?"

"Liam. Liam Payne." he answers almost instantly. "Well, hey, Liam. Tomlinson, Louis Tomlinson." He holds out his free hand to shake Liam's hand. Liam extends a shaky hand to fit into Louis' tight grip of a handshake. "How old are you, Liam?"

"I just turned 18 in August," he answers back, and he swears he sees Louis' eyes light up a little as he continues, "How old are you, if you don't mind me asking?" Louis smiles, "23." He loosens his grip on Liam's hand and places his hand on his hip. Louis doesn't look very much older than Liam is, except for maybe the bits of facial hair trying to peak its way to the surface of Louis' clear skin. Liam rarely meets people around his age outside of Catholic school, so it feels a bit weird being respectful to an elder that looks not a day over 18.

There's a slightly awkward pause that Liam finally breaks, "Uh, I heard a, uh, loud…crash and I wanted to see if anything was wrong."

"Yeah, I lost my grip on the box and broke basically everything inside. Good thing it's just my shot glasses. Guess I just gotta drink from the bottle, then, right?" 

Liam's eyebrows wrinkled as he laughed along nervously. Not that he's completely ignorant to what alcohol is, but such casual talk about alcohol and shot glasses is all new to Liam. It reminds him of the many times his mother and Father Thomas at his Catholic school had condemned alcohol consumption, damning to Hell everyone who partakes. The idea makes him blink a little too fast and falsify a smile.

"Yeah…yeah, I hear you," he says, attempting to be relatable to his new neighbor, "Do you, um, need any help with any of these boxes, sir?"

Louis scoffs at the politeness, but says, "Sure, if you want to. You might want to take that little coat off before we start, though. You're in for some heavy lifting." Liam laughs nervously again and removes his blazer and sets it down on the edge of the truck.

Liam assists Louis in bringing the furniture into Louis' new home, carrying things from couches to a particularly tall armoire to boxes of clothes. Liam brings his backpack and duffel bag into the new home and sets it on the couch after he removes his navy blue tie and rolls up the sleeves of his white button-up shirt. Louis' already brought some furniture inside, including in a queen-sized bed in his bedroom upstairs. Liam likes listening to people and is known to not say much, so it isn't surprising when Liam is silent and still a bit timid during the moving process, and he studies his face as Louis goes on about how he was born in San Bernardino and lived in LA for a while before he moved to Massachusetts to get away from California. Liam is still a bit warn out from swimming and school, but feels obligated to finish what he started, and figures that he'd just have to stay up later than usual to finish his homework. It's a small price to pay when you're always willing to help others.

-

It's almost eight at night and they're just about finished with unloading the truck when Liam's cellphone chimes just as he's setting Louis' box of clothes on the bed upstairs. It's a text message from his mother, telling him that she would be working late at the dental clinic she works at in Medford and that there's still some leftover stew in the fridge at home. Liam's used to being home alone all the time, so it isn't that big of a deal. He exhales a little, closing his eyes and stretching his arms above his head when an abrupt pat on his stomach interrupts his yawn. He opens his eyes and sees Louis, barefoot and wearing the tank top from inside the truck.

"I think that's all of it. Thanks for the help, Liam," Louis says with a smile.

"It was my pleasure, Mr. Tomlinson."

"Your parents are okay with you helping me?"

Liam nods, "Yes." Louis starts to walk out of his room and down the stairs towards the kitchen, "Want something to drink, like water? Or soda or something?"

"I'll just have water, thank you."

Louis looks through his practically empty fridge and he gasps as he pulls out a tall bottle of red wine. His eyes are gleaming with excitement, while Liam nearly jumps out of his skin from being in the presence of actual alcohol.  
"Or how about we try some of this out, yeah?"

Liam rubs the sides of his body and looks uneasily at Louis, who is too busy looking through his cabinets to find the two fairly large wine glasses that he sets on the counter. It's obvious that Liam should tell Louis that he does not, that he should not drink, but he's feeling compelled to stay silent, not wanting to disrespect the man in his own home. He doesn't stop Louis when he's pouring the wine to the brim of both glasses.

"Your parents don't mind you drinking at a neighbor's house, do they?"

I barely even know you, Liam thinks. Louis doesn't wait for him to reply and hands him the full glass of wine, and Liam just stares down at it. The wine reminds him of the cranberry juice during communion, but it smells like bitter fruit.

"I-I don't drink. Alcohol, I mean."

Louis smacks his teeth and sets his glass down, "Really? You really should've told me that before I poured you some."

"I know," Liam says, placing his glass next to Louis' and folding his arms, "I just, I can't drink alcohol. I'm only 18."

Louis rolls his eyes, "Oh, please. I'm pretty sure there are plenty of people your age who get wasted at your age."

Liam looks at the glass, unsure, "My mom says alcohol does bad things to people." Louis gives Liam this look, like Liam is some helpless innocent child. He smiles, "Aww, is everyone a prude in this town or what?"

Liam finally laughs lowly to himself and looks at the white linoleum floor, then at the glass of wine. Liam looks back at Louis, who's looking at him with one eyebrow raised, like he knows he's going to give in.

"Just one glass. I have to repay you somehow for helping me out today."

Liam stands there, his foot tapping lightly on the floor beneath him, and he takes a deep breath before he grabs the glass in his hand. Louis follows suit, the crinkles by his eyes revealing when he smiles.

"Just one glass?" Liam's hand trembles a little, so he inconspicuously holds his wrist with his other hand to steady it, only a little self-conscious. Louis clinks his glass to Liam's, and before they sip the red wine, Louis reassures him, "Just one."


	2. Chapter 2

2\. Liam

Liam almost immediately regrets his decision to try wine when he finds himself stumbling as he rushes to the bathroom. He's clenching his teeth, his jawline protruding sharply along his face, and it feels like he's never had to pee this bad in his life. He fumbles for the doorknob, pushes his way inside the bathroom to reach the toilet, and peeing has never felt so good in his life. He closes his eyes, sighing louder than he thought he would.

He and Louis had decided on "just one glass," but the deal is quickly gone up in flames after Liam finishes his wine. He comes to the conclusion that the sweetness of the wine completely outweighs the bitter aftertaste that lingers on his tongue, so he asks for more. He doesn't have to ask Louis twice, who is almost done with his second glass by the time Liam finds the courage to ask.

They relocate to the living room after Liam refills his glass, Louis sprawling on the couch after he sets the nearly empty bottle of wine and his glass next to Liam's on the table.

"God, I'm so tired," Louis yawns as he stretches, his arms reaching high above his head. Liam watches the hem of Louis' tank top slip slowly up his stomach, revealing the narrow patch of hair disappearing into his blue shorts and Liam feels his cheeks heat up. He turns around and sits in the armchair he had brought it earlier.

"Yeah, me too."

Louis' arms hang limp over the arm of the couch, and he closes his eyes, "It's all that moving we did." Liam runs a hand across the back of his neck, "Y-yeah, I guess." Louis laughs to himself, "You didn't seem to be struggling. Hell, you brought that chair in like it was nothing."

"Well, it wasn't that heavy."

"What, are you Superman or something? That chair is heavy as fuck."

Liam finds himself looking past the curse word and laughs, "No, I just—I lift weights at school, and I'm on the swim team." Louis' face lights up, "The swim team, eh? Well look at Liam! And here I was thinking that all you did was stay cooped up at home reading scriptures and knitting."

"Yeah," Liam says, still smiling, "Well, other than that, I don't really go out much."

"So what, just school and back home?"

Liam nods and looks down when he meets Louis' judging eyes. Louis scoffs, "Oh, man. Do you at least have a girlfriend?" Liam shakes his head a little too fast, still looking at the red carpet, "No, I've never had a girlfriend."

Louis sits up suddenly, making Liam jump just a little, and looks intently at Liam, his mouth hanging open, "Are you serious? But you're a good looking guy." Liam blushes, not wanting to take his eyes off of the small black spot on the carpet. He wonders how it got there, how it could've gotten there when the house was completely vacant before today. He realizes that Louis is still waiting for him to respond, and so he does.

"I don't know, I don't, um, I never really had time for one. Too many other things to worry about, like school and the team." He's compelled to take a sip of the wine staring back at him from the coffee table, but instead takes a rather large gulp of it and holds it loosely in his hand. The chillness of the wine is wearing off, so the taste is bland and warm, and the sweetness is disappearing.

He looks at Louis' cup to see it was empty and he wonders when he had finished it, and how long they had been sitting there in silence. He glances at Louis, who's resting on his back on the couch, and Liam can't tell if his eyes are closed or if he's staring at him.

"There is this girl though," Liam breaks the silence, trying to redeem himself, "Her name's Danielle. We talk from time to time."

"Oh, really?" Louis smiles, and Liam can see that his eyes are actually closed. He's smiling, and he looks peaceful, like a small kitten, Liam thinks. "Yeah, she's pretty nice," he replies. Louis hums, turning his face, his hair falling softly over his eyes.

Liam watches Louis, bringing his glass to his lips to finish the wine. He swallows it effortlessly, and he notices how numb his fingers are when he sets his glass down. He brings them up to his face and watches them wiggle slowly, and it makes him giggle. He laughs even harder for no reason, his eyes closed, and he feels his body rock back into the armchair, and now he's laughing uncontrollably.

"What's so funny?" he hears Louis ask, and it only makes him laugh harder. He curls up in a ball on the armchair, giggling like crazy, and he hears Louis joining in on his random laughter. The laughter dies down and Liam sees how red Louis' face is, how happy and adorable he looks, and it makes Liam shudder a little.

Next thing he knows, he's in the bathroom, and after he flushes the toilet twice and washes his hands for exactly two minutes, he stares at himself in the mirror.

When he comes back to the living room, Louis' sitting on the floor with his legs crossed in front of the couch, the glasses and bottle of wine gone. He's holding some sort of large book in his lap, flipping through the thick pages. Liam plops down into the armchair, but Louis beckons him over with a flailing arm, "C'mere, I wanna show you something."

Liam has to use all of his strength to pull himself away from the comfortable armchair and onto the ground next to Louis, who moves closer to Liam, their thighs touching and Liam doesn't mind. "What's all this?" Liam asks, his words slurring out of his control. Louis looks up at Liam and smiles bright, pushing the book into Liam's view. Liam takes a closer look at the book and sees photos of Louis. "I used to be a male model when I lived in LA," Louis says to Liam, who's almost obscenely gaping at the picture of a shirtless Louis in underwear. Liam, still transfixed by the photo, gulps, "Cool."

Louis turns through the pages, each picture making Liam more and more uncomfortable as he shifts his seating positions. "Um, why'd you stop modeling?" Liam asks after Louis shows him more pictures, still slurring his words a bit.

"It wasn't for me."

"What do you mean? These pictures are really great," Liam says, nudging his elbow gently (or what he thinks is gently) into Louis' side. Louis retaliates with a pat on Liam's thigh, and he leaves it there as he says, "No, no, it…it wasn't for me." His smile fades as quickly as it came, and he stares vacantly at the picture.

Liam is surprised about how shook up Louis is getting about the whole thing. He doesn't truly know how to comfort Louis or what to say, so he acts on his impulse and rubs his hand over Louis'. Louis looks up at Liam, as if he's just remembering where he was, and smiles at him. Liam gets this feeling that makes him shudder again, and Louis feels it, so he places his other hand on top of Liam's and brushes it with his thumb.

"You good?"

"Yeah," Liam says, his eyes shifting from Louis' smiling lips and back to his gorgeous blue eyes, "Yeah, I think I'm drunk."

Louis bursts into laughter, his hands squeezing Liam's hand as he buries his face into Liam's shoulder. Liam can't help but rest his head on Louis' as he laughs, and each breath he takes is an overpowering whiff of Louis' scent. He closes his eyes and takes a deeper breath, and opens his eyes to find Louis cradled in his arms. There was something strangely calming about having someone in his arms. His stomach flips, and it's so foreign to him, so new, that he jumps, losing his grip on Louis.

"You sure you're alright?" Louis asks, frowning with a smile as he levels his face with Liam's. Liam blinks a little too quickly, rising to his feet and brushing off his pants, "Actually, I think I'd better head home. It's getting late." He looks at his watch to see exactly how late it is and feels caught in a lie when he sees it's only half past nine. But, he has to leave. Louis struggles to his feet, yawning, "Alright. We're all sleepy anyway. It was nice to meet you, Liam. Thanks for everything." He stretches his arms out to offer Liam a hug, and Liam just stands there. He doesn't know why it's taking him so long to return the hug. He slowly reaches out and Louis fits his smaller frame into Liam's broad shoulders and strong arms with a tight hug. Louis momentarily resting his head on Liam's wide chest, and they stay there for a while. It's so weird, Liam thinks, but he couldn't think of anything else he would rather be doing. He closes his eyes and his body shivers, making Louis pull back from the hug with a smile, and Liam lets out a breath that he seems to forget he was holding in.

Liam is compelled to say something, anything to vocalize this strange desire to stay with Louis. "No problem," Liam finds himself saying, staring at the red carpet under his tapping foot. He feels Louis' eyes on him as they stand there for another moment. He looks up to see Louis grinning wide, and he feels his face redden and heat up, and he hides his smirk when he turns around to gather his things. Before he closes the door, Louis' soft and delicate voice rings in his ears, "See you around, Liam."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts?


	3. Chapter 3

3\. Liam

Liam stumbles into his house, still a bit buzzed from the wine he had shared with his new neighbor. The house is dark except for a small light shining from the light above the stove in the kitchen. He shuts the door behind him, locks it, and leans against it, staring into the darkness for a moment to catch his breath. His body's shaking all over. With one last sigh, he walks down the stairs, climbing one at a time instead of his usual two at a time since his hands were full. He gets to the top of the stairs and turns left to get to his bedroom. He walks past the guest bedroom, a room essentially made for when his Aunt Renee and Uncle Frank come to visit from Maine. He finally reaches his room door, a simple, thin, wooden cross in the dead center of the door. Liam looks at the cross for just a moment and then enters his room.

Liam's room, like all the other rooms in the Payne household, is very plain in terms of décor. There's a white laminate desk with a grey office chair and a metal desk lamp placed a couple of feet away from the doorway, a twin-sized bed positioned next to the wall near the windows and a white end table with a small blue lamp on it, and a closet built into the walls next to a door leading into his room's bathroom. The walls are white and the carpet is white except for the patch covered by a light blue rug in front of the bed. The bed is dressed with a powder blue duvet and the color teal covering the large pillow resting on the square white headboard. A white dresser is set in the space next to his bed. The windows are fairly large and covered by thin powder blue curtains that barely graze the floor. Liam flicks on the switch next to the door and turns on the ceiling fan before hanging his backpack on the hook next to the desk and dropping his bag onto the floor next to it. He closes his door, locking it behind him. He removes his clothes and folds them neatly before setting them down on the desk. He makes a mental note to put them in the laundry once he wakes up in the morning. He walks over to the dresser and opens the second drawer to grab a pair of grey pajama pants and a white t-shirt and brings them with him into the bathroom.

He sets his clothes carefully on the counter before undressing. He turns on the shower and, before he steps in, he takes a moment to look at himself in the mirror. His eyes are droopy, and his hair is messy. He uses the palm of his hand to flatten his hair down a little, but it does nothing. He blinks at himself, leaning in closer to examine his eyes to see that they are as red as he had expected, and steps into the shower. He immediately dips his head underneath the stream of water, discontent with the temperature heating up his already warm body. He steps out of the stream and turns the cold water faucet up slightly before stepping back in. He closes his eyes, allowing the water to slip through his scalp and strands of hair and down his back. It feels fantastic, and the feeling sends shivers throughout his body. The sensation travels all the way down to his toes and he grins, clenching his fists, and leans his head back to wet his face. The water wets his teeth as he smiles, and the feeling makes him giggle to the point where opening his mouth seems inevitable. Water has always made him feel things he had never felt before. He always seems to revert back to a child whenever it surrounds him, like he frees every restrain he has built up on himself over the years, and the alcohol in his system makes it even easier. The feeling ignites a fire in him when his mind goes over the course of his day, almost immediately focusing on his new neighbor. Louis, he thinks. Louis, Louis, Louis. His body suddenly feels warmer than before, and he runs his fingers slowly through his wet hair, caressing the water as it caresses him. His hands continue down his face, touching his nose and lips with his fingertips. He touches his chest and stomach, and when he opens his eyes to watch the water fall down his body, he sees it. He's hard. He hadn't felt a thing, but when he sees it, he feels it. Louis. His hand slips curiously down, right above his erection. He rubs it, experimentally, as if it were his first time. He sees his chest rising and falling as he slowly wraps his hand around himself, closing his eyes at the contact. The water sprays against his face when he tilts his head back, his hand pumping slowly. Oh God, Louis. He bites his lip when he rubs the slit, his heart beating loudly in his ear. He starts to lose his balance as he speeds up, forcing him to wrap his other hand around the showerhead's neck and lean in close. The water seeps down his back, caressing the dimples just above his bum before slipping in between. The cold water in between his bum makes his boiling body shiver, and a strained moan slips through his throat. "Louis," he finds himself saying before he buries his face in arm, his teeth sinking hard into his skin as he comes, his body stiff, and his hand gripped tightly on himself.

He stands there for a moment, his face still buried in his arm. He lets go on himself and the neck of the showerhead, but immediately flattens both of his palms on the shower wall in order to save himself from toppling over. He stares down at the water circling the drain, catching strands of his DNA along with it. He blinks, catching his breath, and a sense of guilt rushes through him. What have I done, he thinks to himself, this is wrong. He shakes his head, the guilt gripping tightly on his lungs and formulating a lump in his throat. His vision starts to blur from the tears in his eyes, but before it spirals out of his control, he swallows it down and proceeds with his shower.


	4. Chapter 4

4\. Louis

Louis feels groggy when he wakes up to the sun barely peeking through the deep red drapes decorated over his bedroom window. He rolls over with a groan and covers his head with his pillow. Louis hates everything about moving into a new place. It means he has to deal with all the unpacking, all the decorating, and new people, and "new people" always means new problems he has to deal with. Louis left his problems back in California, and it didn't strike him until the plane was midway through taking off that maybe, just maybe, running away from his problems to go somewhere new didn't always mean that life would be as fine and dandy as he had hoped it would be. Still, Louis would take anything other than suffering in California.

He rolls over again, the pillow now wrapped completely around his head, and he falls off the bed, his half-naked body smacking hard against the hardwood floor. I knew I should've fucking worn pants, he thinks, and he throws the pillow away from him and lifts himself up with what dignity he has left. His hand finds the aching spot on his side and he rubs it as he finds and puts on the same black gym shorts he had worn yesterday. Louis never liked wearing clothes, especially when he drinks, and he's starting to regret his decision to move to Middle-of-Nowhere, Massachusetts when it's close to winter and warm clothing appears to be the only option to survive. He looks at the boxes stacked in the corner of the room, sighs, and walks in the other direction and out of the room.

He's still rubbing his side when he opens the fridge to drink his orange juice out of the carton, almost finishing it. He puts it back before it's all gone and decides to pour a glass of water instead. He's exceptionally thirsty this morning, and it surprises him, but then he remembers his little housewarming celebration with the kid next door and wine. Shit, he thinks. The wine was supposed to be for when his friend Harry showed up. Harry's a longtime family friend. They met back in middle school and became closer when Harry's mom invited Louis' mom to join her weekly book club, or as Harry and Louis used to call it, "drinking with dirty books." Harry lived in the nicer parts of San Bernardino, near the Shandin Hills Golf Course, and Louis was never truly sure what his stepfather did for a living, but Harry would always be willing to pay for Louis, no matter what it was. Louis lived well-off, in a small house on borderline San Bernardino and Rialto, California with his mom and his five sisters. Even still, Harry was adamant about providing for Louis, and Louis only remembers paying for the both of them once throughout their entire friendship at a McDonald's down the street from their high school.

Harry had been partially the reason why Louis moved out here to Danvers in the first place. Harry would occasionally call him and blabber on and on about how amazing Boston and Cambridge looked in the spring and how nice it feels to get away from the commotion of Los Angeles, and Louis would smile through his teeth and say how happy he was for Harry, hiding behind his jealousy. When Louis' life became too out of control, Harry had recommended he stay in Danvers, twenty miles away from East Boston where Harry lived, but only to avoid any unwanted attention he might encounter in the city. He's expecting Harry to show up later today, so he just might have to return his attention to that pile of boxes that makes his stomach churn. Louis initially liked the idea of living in a small town where no one really knew who he was, but it seemed less and less appealing when he arrived.

The new house is alright, but there are two too many rooms for Louis to know what to do with. He decides to put boxes that he doesn't want to deal with in one room and puts all of his necessary stuff in the other. It wasn't until he sets down his box of broken shot glasses that he fully remembers the cute kid from next door. Liam. He admits that maybe he pushed the boy too far by giving him wine for the first time, but it was all in good fun. Hell, if it was up to Louis, he would have driven down North Street to that Corner Grocery Store on Hobart to get more booze, but Liam didn't seem like the type who'd be up for it. Yet, that was the thing that sparked something in Louis. Louis had always been (and still is, really) attracted to men who looked like they had walked right out of the sleaziest most edgiest establishment he could think of, and it was usually these types of men who left a cold and empty space next to Louis' spot on the bed after a long night of drunken, nameless sex. It's what Louis is accustomed to, and even conditions himself for, but there's something sweet and innocent about Liam that knocks down all the pessimism Louis has built up, brick by brick. Of course, being the realist that Louis is, the boy is, well, a boy, and there's a ninety-nine percent chance that the boy likes girls and does not like boys. Louis confesses that he might have gotten a little touchy with the leaning and the hand-holding and the hugging and what not, but he couldn't help it when the boy is leaning back in his favorite arm chair with his legs spread open wide and his shirt unbuttoned at the top, teasing Louis without mercy.

Once Louis finishes with the majority of unpacking, he showers and puts on his tightest pair of black jeans and a tank top and walks next door to Liam's house. It's not like Louis to be nervous and visibly show it, but he masks his jitteriness with the actual chill he feels from stupidly wearing a tank top in cold ass weather when Liam opens the door. "Oh, um, hello, Mr. Tomlinson," Liam says, looking at the welcome mat on the floor between them. Louis rubs his hands against his biceps to warm himself after Liam lets him in and closes the door behind them. "It's so warm in here," Louis says, his teeth chattering a little. Liam nods, "Yeah." They stand there for a moment, awkwardly. "Do you want some tea?" Liam breaks the silence, "It's, um, chamomile." Louis snorts, "Who drinks tea for lunch?" Liam shrugs, timid, "I don't know. I just—" Louis cuts him off, walking towards where he thinks the kitchen is, "Sure, let's have come tea."

Louis has never seen such perfect and symmetrical placement of furniture in his life as he walks through Liam's living room. Everything is so white and spotless and museum-like, and it's a bit intimidating, and there's this grand chandelier hanging from the ceiling, with a golden trim and ultramarine blue crystals. It hypnotizes Louis as they arrive to the kitchen, which is just as white as the living room, only accented with hints of pale grey and powder blue. It surprises Louis when he sees an elaborately decorated mug resting on top of a white saucer on the kitchen island. It has a unique shape to it, large and lean, offering a concave slot for Liam's fingers to slip into when he picks it up to take a sip. It looks like a conch, Louis thinks, only it's decorated with small tiles grouped together to form a beautiful mosaic of a beach landscape during a sunset. Louis's so mesmerized by the mug that he doesn't see the red teacup and tiny silver spoon on the white saucer in front of him. "Sorry," Liam says, sitting on a bar stool across the island, "All we had left was red cups. Everything else is in the dishwasher." Louis brings the cup to his lips and tastes the tea and it's too hot, "It's alright; red's my favorite color, actually." Liam smiles and Louis has to latch his feet onto the legs of the stool to prevent himself from making any rash decisions. "Good," Liam nods, looking at Louis for a moment before his face falls and he goes back to sipping his tea.

"So, about last night," Louis begins, pushing the tea away from him a little, "I'm sorry if things got, like, too out of hand, or anything." Liam shakes his head, "No, no, it's fine. We were both just tired." Louis nods slowly, "Yeah, we were both just tired." The room goes silent except for the hum of the dishwasher and the sound of Liam's index finger tapping incessantly on his mug.

"So, um, where do you go to school, Liam?" Louis asks, settling on taking another sip of his tea that desperately needs more sugar. "I go to Saint John's Preparatory School, down on Summer Street," Liam responds, pointing behind himself towards his backyard.

"Oh, so you're Catholic, then?" Louis' face scrunches up as he downs the tea, the bitter taste testing at his taste buds and patience. Liam, of course, notices it, because he leaps out of his stool and returns with a thin pastel blue container with the word SUGAR engraved on it. Louis sighs in relief and uses the small spoon to fill his cup with sugar as Liam answers him, "Yes." He reaches into his white t-shirt to bring out a short necklace with tiny blue and white beads and a small silver cross. "Oh," Louis says, trying his hardest to hide the distaste in his voice and face. They must really fucking like the color white, Louis thinks to himself and Liam is looking down at the silver cross between his fingers with a smile on his face. "I've been Catholic for as long as I can remember. It's nice to have something to believe in, you know?" Louis nods and rolls his eyes as he pours another spoonful of sugar into his tea, "Yeah, sure, uh huh." Liam looks up from his necklace, curious, "Do you believe in God, Mr. Tomlinson?" Louis spills a few grains of sugar onto the counter, and Liam leaps out of his stool again to grab a paper towel and swipe the sugar into it with a let me get that for you before putting it in his pocket and plopping back into his seat. 

Weird kid.

"I grew up in a Christian household," Louis says, pouring his sixth spoonful of sugar (or maybe seventh), carefully, "but once I moved out, I kinda drifted away from all that." Liam leans in, completely disregarding his mug, "Really? Why?" Louis quits his frustrating attempt to sweeten his tea and stirs it instead, eyes focused on the cup and refusing to look up, "It just wasn't for me, I guess. Hell, a lot of things aren't for me, really, like juggling, for instance. How the hell are you gonna, like, expect someone to be able to toss three balls in the air like that like it's nothing?"

"Louis—"

"I can barely even dribble a basketball and now they want me to work with not two, but three tiny balls at a time?"

"Louis, you're—"

"I don't even know who invented juggling, anyway. They were probably bored out of their minds and had nothing better to do but throw balls around and stuff for fun—"

He stops abruptly when Liam catches the hand he's stirring with in his. Louis looks up and sees Liam hovering over him with a wide smile, "You might want to slow down on your stirring before you lose all of your tea." Louis looks back down at his cup and there's a moat of tea surrounding it on the plate, some splashed onto the counter. "Oh," Louis laughs nervously, setting the spoon into the almost-empty red teacup, "I'm so sorry, I guess I got carried away with, um, juggling and stuff." Liam's already wiping the counter down with a white kitchen towel that has a blue stripe beaming down the center, "It's fine, I got it. You really don't know how to juggle, though?"

"No, I really don't."

"I could teach you, you know. It's actually pretty simple," Liam says, taking Louis' cup and plate in his hands and setting it in the kitchen sink. "So, you're calling me simple?" Louis says, trying to fight the smile that eventually breaks through, and he laughs. Liam shakes his head, laughing with him, "No, I'm just…hold on. I'll show you right now, if you have the time, of course." He waits for a response, drying his large, veiny hands with the same towel he cleaned with. Louis smiles at him as he gets up from the stool, "Okay, but I'm practically unteachable." Liam sets the towel down, "I'll be back. I just have to get my little beanbags from upstairs in my room." Just as Liam is about to leave the kitchen, Louis stops him, "Can't I go with? It could be, like, a grand tour of your house or something." Liam blinks momentarily and shrugs, "Okay, sure."

They reach Liam's room after a brief tour of the laundry room, the dining room, the den, the guest room, a quick glance at the upstairs and downstairs bathrooms, and a peek into Liam's mom's room, and Liam saves the backyard for when he finds the beanbags. Louis takes note of the wooden cross on the bedroom door as Liam leads him into his room. It's neat and clean, much to Louis' expectations. "Wow, even your room looks like a museum," he says, fascinated with the little blue lamp near Liam's bed, "and I'm guessing blue is your favorite color, huh?" Liam smiles as he opens his desk drawer and looks through it, "Yeah." Louis turns the dial twice underneath the lamp shade and turns it on, and a cool, dimmed blue light fills the room, spinning, creating shapes of blue whales and dolphins and starfish along the white walls. Louis stares into the light and then watches at the walls, the shapes swimming and dancing on the plain, empty walls. He can't help but sit on the bed and watch in a giddy trance, smiling as a calm, peaceful feeling rushes through him, forcing him to take a deep breath in through his nose and out through his mouth. 

Liam looks up from the drawer and panics, running over to the lamp and immediately shutting off the light show lamp and Louis jumps out of his daze. "Don't touch that, please," Liam says, staring at the ground. Louis frowns and is about to ask why when Liam holds up the beanbags, "I found them." Louis looks at them and then back at Liam before he gets up, "Alright, let's go do this." Liam nods with a small grin and turns around and, just before he starts to walk, Louis takes a glance back at the lamp and sees his red drapes out of the corner of his eye. "Hey," he says, climbing on the bed to point out the window and Liam stops, "you can totally see my room from right here! It's, like, completely parallel to your room." Liam hesitantly joins him on the bed, his face close to Louis' so that he can look out the same window, "That's really your room?"

"Yeah, I put those drapes up before I went to bed last night," Louis says, and he sounds more excited than any other person would if they'd found out their room is completely visible to their neighbors. He gets off the bed and hops to his feet, "Alright, let's get this over with, Payne. Or should I say 'Professor Payne'?" Louis walks out of the room after his lame joke, just before Liam starts to blush.

-

"I'm doing it! Fuck, yeah!"

Louis tosses a beanbag in the air and swiftly catches the other as it lands, and Liam applauds him. The clapping throws Louis' rhythm off, and Louis' juggling ability is gone as fast as it came. "Fuck," he yells and the bags tumble onto the grass before one hits him in the face. "Don't worry," Liam says, picking them up, "if you keep working at it, you'll be a pro like me in no time." He starts juggling with ease, moving backwards and forwards and side to side with the beanbags cycling in a constant flow. Louis pouts, folding his arms, "Well, not everyone can be you, Liam. Besides, who the hell invented juggling anyway?" Liam stops juggling and chuckles, "I don't know, but it's not that hard."

"Whatever. What time is it, anyway?"

Liam looks at his watch, "It's almost five-thirty."

"Oh, shit," Louis says, "I forgot, I'm having company over tonight and I need to go buy some stuff. Do you know any places that sell good wine?"

Liam thinks for a moment and shrugs, "Well, I heard some people at school talk about Kappy's Fine Wine and Spirits, but that's all the way in Peabody. Are they coming soon?"

"I think he'll be here in about a half hour or so," Louis says, regretting his delay on that pile of boxes he left unpacked earlier. He misses Liam's face fall when he hears there's a guy coming as he continues, "Look, I gotta go. It was nice seeing you today, Liam. Thanks for the juggling lesson." Just as he is about to leave, Liam calls his name and tosses the tiny beanbags over to him and smiles, "Keep practicing. You'll be a pro in no time." Louis smiles back and nods before leaving through the side gate.


	5. Chapter 5

5\. Louis

Louis gets home from buying the wine to see a black Range Rover Sport parked in his driveway.  He gets out of the taxi and walks up to the SUV, hoping to surprise Harry in the driver seat, but it's empty.  Confused, Louis walks up to his front door and puts the key in the lock and notices that the door is already unlocked.  He shakes his head and walks in to find Harry's gangly body lounging across his couch, watching some show on TV.

"You should really learn to lock your doors, Lou," he says, getting to his feet as Louis drops his things before closing the door to run over and crash into a hug.  "You're an ass, Harry," Louis says into Harry's neck, and Harry just giggles, "I missed you, too.  Hey, is that wine?"  He lets go of the hug to run over to where Louis left the wine on the floor.  "Of course, it's a special occasion," Louis feigns excitement, waving his hands in the air a little.  Harry examines the bottle of red Moscato wine, "'Barefoot'?  You could have at least got a bottle of whiskey or something."  Louis takes off his shoes, sinking his toes into the carpet, "Bitch, it was the cheapest thing they had!"  Harry chuckles as he makes his way towards the kitchen, "It's alright; I brought two bottles of Jameson just in case.  It's in the freezer."  Louis makes a face, "Really?  You could've told me that before I spent all that money on fucking unreasonable taxi fare, douche."  He sits on the couch, tucking his legs underneath him after he grabs the remote.  "Well," Harry says as he walks in with two glasses of what appears to be the wine, "you won't have to worry about taxis anymore.  Did you see your new car outside?"

Louis looks at him to see if he's joking, but he knows he's not.  Harry is tenacious about giving things to people, whether it is clothes or money, but apparently now it's fully-paid Range Rovers.  Harry cocks an eyebrow as he smirks, "It's all yours, buddy."  Louis scoffs at Harry's corniness, "Thanks, pal, but no thanks.  You're doing too much."  Harry shoves a glass into Louis' hand and plops down in the couch beside him, doing so without spilling a drop of wine, "Just take it, Lou.  How else were you planning on getting around, the bus?  Oh, wait, the 'fucking unreasonable taxi,' my bad."  Louis sighs before he takes a sip of his drink and it's a little too bitter and warm as hell, "It's a fucking _car_ , Harold, not some jacket to use when I'm cold.  How are you even able to afford to give a Range Rover away like it's nothing?"

"Consider it a housewarming gift," Harry's lips curl into a smile as he gulps down some of his drink, stealing away the remote to change through the channels.  Louis inspects Harry's face and gasps to himself, "You aren't drunk, are you?  Wait, you're not expecting me to put out or anything, are you?  Because I'm not gonna."  Harry downs his drink, which doesn't surprise Louis, and sets the glass on the coffee table before turning to Louis, leaning against the armrest and staring at Louis with an unflinching gaze, "I don't know, you tell me?"  Louis rolls his eyes and punches Harry in the arm, "Oh, you wish, loser."  Harry doesn't break, "That's not what you said last time, princess."  He pokes his bare toe at Louis' arm, and Louis inches away from him, suppressing a giggle, "Yeah, well, that was last time.  Things were, like, different back then.  We were too young and dumb."  Harry inches closer, his voice deep and low, "Louis, that was, like, a couple of months ago, before I moved."  Louis gives in to the giggle this time, pressing the sole of his small feet in the center of his broad chest, "Harry—"

"Just one kiss," Harry hums, wrapping his large hands around Louis' ankle and wrapping it around his waist, leaning in.  "So, it's one kiss for a car?  Wow, Harold, I wonder what I have to do for a new house."  Louis runs his fingers through Harry's fringe, his fingernails lightly scraping his scalp, and he feels the taller man quiver above him.  He always knew how to please Harry, ever since they first started fooling around in high school.  Harry gives Louis what he needs, and Louis does the same.  "Just do what you did the last time we fucked and you'll have a fucking mansion," Harry groans, and Louis bites his bottom lip and smiles fiendishly as he tugs hard at Harry's hair, a desperate cry escaping the man's mouth.  Harry buries his face in Louis' neck and growls loudly, sending vibrations throughout Louis' body.  He presses firm kisses on Louis' neck, inching up to his chin and stopping at his lips.  Harry's kisses are always the same: hard and firm, but pleasantly cushioned by his pink, plump lips.  Louis hates to admit that he missed them, and he hates it even more that he opens his mouth to let Harry's tongue in.  Harry's beyond turned on, and before he knows it, Harry's rutting his hips into him, gripping Louis' thighs in his hands, panting and moaning into his mouth.  It takes all the self-restrain Louis has (but never really uses) to push up on Harry's chest, breaking the kiss, "Just one kiss, yeah?"  He slips out from under Harry and grabs their glasses, and as he heads towards the kitchen, Harry jokes, reaching inside his tight black pants to adjust himself, "But, don't you want that mansion?"

Louis pours out what's left of the wine and fills both glasses with the more chilled wine from in the freezer.  Louis likes Harry, considers Harry to be his best friend.  Any other person would become very confused with the type of relationship Louis and Harry had developed over the years: Harry's given Louis things like money, a place to live in by himself back in Los Angeles, and a contract with a modeling agency, and Louis gives Harry sex, and just sex.  Any other person would consider Louis and Harry's style of sex as making passionate love because they're deeply and madly in love with each other, and they do love each other, but not in a promising way that crosses the borderline between friends with benefits and boyfriends.  Louis loves it, because there's no jealousy or longing for love and affection; to them, it is just best friends who happen to love having sex with each other.  Louis loves Harry, but he's not in love with him, and nor will he ever be, and although he loves Harry to death, Louis can never see the young, rich reckless bastard settling down with anyone, anything, or even any area.

Louis comes back from the kitchen with full glasses and tries to ignore the outline of Harry's dick clearly visible as he's lounging on the armrest of the couch with his legs opened wide, forcing him to sit in the armchair.  "Nah," Louis declines Harry's proposition, "I actually kinda like it here.  The neighbor's kid is pretty nice.  He helped me move my stuff in yesterday.  His name's Liam."

"Cool," Harry says, gulping rather than sipping at his drink again, "Yeah, the kids in this town are pretty cool.  I saw this fifth grader helping a blind guy once when I drove over here for one of my booty calls, it was nice."

"What, the fifth grader or the booty calls?"

Harry tilts his head, as if he's seriously considering the options.  "Both, actually," Harry chuckles, throwing a small sofa pillow at Louis' head.  Louis laughs and throws it back, "Yeah, well, Liam's not a fifth grader.  He's 18, actually."  Harry scoffs, "What?  Why'd you call him a kid, then?"  Louis shrugs, "Uh, because he is?"

"No, he's not.  Last time I checked, adults are considered to be eighteen years and over, Lou.  Sure, he's like fresh, but still."

"Yeah," Louis says, "but you haven't met him.  Harry, he's never drank a drop of alcohol in his life.  Well, not until last night."  Harry makes a face, "So, what?  I know plenty of people who didn't start drinking until they were actually twenty-one.  Still doesn't make him a kid.  And what do you mean 'not until last night?'"

"Well," Louis starts, "I pulled out a bottle of wine because basically I wanted to drink, but used the moving thing as an excuse, and I offered him a glass and he said okay, and he got drunk on, like, two glasses.  Or maybe three, I dunno, doesn't matter."

"Still doesn't make him a kid, just makes him weak sauce."

Louis sighs, "It's just, he seems like those types of kids who were sheltered their lives. He even calls me 'Mr. Tomlinson.' Like, what the fuck is that? He hasn't even had a girlfriend, for Christ's sake."

"Well, he could be gay."

Louis snaps at him, "Harry, no, he's not.  He said he was talking to some girl or something.  He's, like, definitely straight, though."  Harry sighs, setting his drink on the table, "Louis, why are you so strung up on this 'kid'?  What, is he hot or something?"  Louis feels his face redden, "Harry!"  Harry gets up, "Come on, I wanna meet him!"  Louis gets up and grabs his arm, pulling him back to the couch, "Harry, no!  I saw a mom-van in the driveway, and I don't think it's a good idea to meet his parents when you've been drinking.  They're Catholic."  Harry slaps Louis' hand off of his arm and reaches for his drink, "I'm not even buzzed yet, princess.  And I know some Catholic boys who get drunk all the time down in Boston."  Louis follows suit and reaches for his glass, "No, but I think they're, like, the scary kinds of Catholics; like, the-blood-of-Christ Catholic.  God, I wonder what his parents must be like."

Harry downs his drink and nearly slams it on the table, earning a hateful eye from Louis, "Well, I'm done with this little wussy shit.  I'm gonna go take a shot.  Want one?"  Louis sighs because he knows he could never refuse alcohol, especially when it's Jameson, "Fine, but my shot glasses are all broken.  Oh, and don't try any funny business, Styles!"  Harry grabs his hand and pulls him up from the couch, "Nah, we'll save that for when we're wasted."  He laughs, sticking out his tongue, and Louis can't help but break his hard facial expression and giggle at him.

-

"Are you sure you don't wanna take the Range Rover?  Boston's pretty far from here."  Louis sits on his bed and pulls up his red underwear.  Harry lazily rolls over and grins at him, "Fuck, after what you did, I'm almost willing to give you everything I have."  His words slur and the satin sheet hangs low around his waist, and the light from the half-moon beaming inside Louis' open bedroom window acts as a spotlight on the ending of his v-lined abdomen peeking through.  Louis stands and smiles, feeling a little dizzy and thankful for what seemed like three shots of whiskey in a small Styrofoam cup he endured, "Go to hell, twat."  Harry bites his lip, "Oh, I love it when you call me names!  It's just tops!"  Louis climbs back onto the bed and playfully slaps Harry's arm, "Shut up."  Harry sits up and pulls Louis down on the bed to slip in between his legs, "Oh, Lou!"  Harry's being frisky and grips at Louis' ass, nudging his nose into Louis' neck, tickling him.  "Stop it, Harold!  You know I don't like being tickled," Louis manages to say through his laughter, and Harry shuts him up with a quick press of the lips, his hands still tight on Louis' ass.  They stop kissing, and there's a quick moment of quiet staring, something both Harry and Louis always try hard to avoid in intimate positions like these.

Louis clears his throat, "Are you really gonna take a taxi home?  It costs so much."  Harry shrugs, smiling, "Eh, what's fifty bucks?"  Louis cocks his eyebrow, "Uh, you know what you can buy with fifty bucks?"  Harry lets go of Louis, rising off the bed to search for his boxers, "I know, I know.  'Fifty dollars can go a long way.'"  He mocks Louis with a snapped wrist and high-pitched voice.  Louis ignores the fact that Harry's mimicked voice and his high-pitched voice sounds almost uncanny and reaches up, just as Harry bends over to grab his underwear, and smacks him hard, "Fuck you, asshole!  I do not sound like that!"  Harry laughs lowly to himself, rubbing his ass cheek before dressing himself, "Whatever you say."

Louis rolls his eyes and walks over to the window to close it, keeping the cold air at bay.  He looks out the window at the sky, the stars more visible than they are in California.  He smiles as he closes his eyes, missing the powder blue curtains in Liam's bedroom rustle as a black figure backs away from the window, disappearing into the room.


	6. Chapter 6

6\. Liam

It's significantly late and Liam knows he has to go to sleep, but the relentless sounds of moaning are filling his ears, and he crawls from his bed to look out of the window in search for the source of the noisemaking. It's when he sees past Louis' opened window at the tall man with curly, messy hair draped over Louis' back, thrusting his hips forward with such vigor that it looks painful. Liam stops in his tracks, his body frozen. He stands there in his blue pajama pants and white t-shirt, watching with a clear view as the tall man sits up on his knees and continues to slide himself in and out of Louis' bum. He can clearly see Louis bury his head deeper into his black pillows, sticking his bum further into the air only to have the tall man smack it hard with the back of his hand and thrust even harder. "Oh, fuck, Harry," Liam hears, and he closes his eyes, shaking almost, and still unable to move his feet. His body knows he wants to see this; he wants to see Louis writhing underneath this stranger, sweating and panting and licking and—

He opens his eyes when he feels his hard erection poke the windowsill, and he hisses lowly, quiet enough not to make a sound. The light from the moon is shining brightly into Louis' dimmed room, illuminating his body, and the light blinds Liam a little, but he doesn't look away. He can't look away; he can't miss this, but he knows this is a sin, and he has to fight it. He closes his eyes to pray lowly to himself, "Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be Thy—"

A loud groan and the sound of several smacks interrupt Liam's attempt for redemption, and he shuts his eyes tighter and continues, "Name, Thy kingdom come—"

"Oh, God, I'm gonna come," he hears what sounds like the tall man, and Liam fights it, fights it with all that he has left, but opens his eyes to see it, because the burning coil in his stomach and chest that's spreading throughout his body is telling him that he needs to see it. He sees it; the way Louis' on his back now with his legs spread in a perfect horizontal line across his mattress, pumping hastily at himself; the way the taller man plows into Louis, inexorable and vigorous and bending Louis practically in half; the way Louis' high-pitched voice goes even higher as he spills onto his stomach, missing his own mouth by just a bit and landing on his chin before the taller man drapes over him completely, gripping Louis' ankles as he grunts, his hip movements faltering and pushing deep inside Louis, and his body gives out on top of Louis'.

Liam stands there, breathing hard and staring with hooded eyes at Louis' smirking lips and half-lidded blue eyes, so beautiful, and he loses it.

He rushes into the bathroom, forgetting to turn on the light and grabbing the nearest bottle of lotion he could find, but not without knocking over the toothbrush holder mounted on the bathroom wall with suction cups along with the tiny vase with a devil's ivy growing inside, spilling it into the sink. He completely disregards the mess and tears down his pajama pants to the point where only one leg is in the pants, and he drowns his hand with lotion and starts touching himself. The slick contact makes him moan louder than he should, and he covers his other hand over his mouth and pumps faster. Louis' body, Louis' face, Louis' voice as he comes. Images of Louis permeate through his veins, pumping his heart and savoring on his tongue, as if he can taste Louis. He licks at his hand, imagining it to be Louis' hand, opening his mouth and nibbling at his palm. He pumps faster when he thinks of how he could make Louis moan like the way the tall man did, and then he wonders if Louis would ever let him smack his round bum, and maybe even come inside of him, or on him, or in his mouth. It sparks a painful, churning need in the pit of his loins, and he leans a hand on the wall in front of him and braces his knee on the bathroom counter and shoots into the sink, his sperm coating the dirt from the plant. Liam's body curls inward involuntarily, his muscles straining harder than ever before, and the cross from his necklace tucked into his shirt jabs into his chest. He's coming so hard that he's crying, whimpering lowly as he stares at his reflection in the bathroom mirror, watching as his tears roll down his cheek one by one.

His body goes limp, but he catches himself before he falls into the dirty sink and stands upright to pull up his pants. He turns on the bathroom light and refuses to look at himself while he cleans the sink with the cleaner from inside his cabinet, scrubbing and rinsing and repeating. He washes his hands like they've become evil, demonic minions created by Satan himself, scrubbing and rinsing and repeating over and over again. He wipes them dry on his hand towel, his hands now raw tingling in pain. He wipes his eyes, too, clearing his vision before he straightens up his bathroom.

He turns off the light and, just as he's about to climb back into bed, he hears the window shut from across the yard. No, he thinks to himself. Go to bed. His feet seem to have a mind of their own as they take him back to the window of sin, and he watches as a shirtless Louis stares up at the night sky, his body exemplified even more by the moonlight as he bathes in it, smiling. He's just so beautiful, and Liam can't take any more of it, so he backs away from the window and throws himself into his bed, and there's no way to avoid falling asleep without tears.

-

Liam's mom snaps him out of his daze and into reality as they drive to Sunday mass, and he shakes his head, "Huh?" She frowns at him from the driver seat, "Liam, are you listening to me? Wake up, honey."

"Sorry, mother, I'm just—I didn't get enough sleep last night," he says, rubbing his eyes, his hands still a bit raw from last night. "What did I tell you about staying up all night on Saturday, Liam? You know we always have mass at nine in the morning," his mom says, shaking her head. Liam looks at his lap, "I know, mother. I'm sorry." She looks at him and smiles, "Oh, it's alright. Just don't let me catch you dozing off during the service." She reaches over and touches his cheek, and he blushes away from it, "I won't, mother." She laughs, "Don't worry, if I don't catch you, the Lord will. He is always watching, you know." Liam freezes, and the thoughts of last night replay in his head, slowing down at certain parts and fast-forwarding, then playing backwards, and he feels dizzy. Liam crosses his legs in his seat and inconspicuously covers his growing erection before nodding at his mom with a forced smile. "Now, as I was saying," Liam's mom continues, "I am almost certain that Mr. and Mrs. Peazer are going to be there for the early service, which means that lovely girl Danielle will be there. When was the last time you two went out?" Liam looks out the window at the red and brown and yellow landscape and shrugs, "I don't know. It was probably that Friday night a couple of weeks ago when you let me go bowling with her and her friends." It's a night that Liam wishes he could forget, filled with Danielle's annoyingly nasally voice in his ear, stealing his hand and pulling him this way and that way, all in the hopes that her friends will become jealous. The funny thing is that her friends actually did get jealous, leaving their own boyfriends to bowl amongst themselves while Liam humored each girl by listening to their never-ending coils of high school drama at Danvers High. Liam's almost grateful that he goes to St. John's, because he doesn't know how he'd be able to survive the blatant selfishness and licentious promiscuity at that public school. Maybe Louis was right, he thinks; maybe kids his age did get drunk all the time and he just doesn't know it.

"Well," his mom continues, "I am giving you permission to ask Danielle if she is free on Friday night. She's a very nice and beautiful girl, and I think she would make a very great mother." Liam makes a face out of his window so his mom doesn't see when they pull up into the parking lot of the church.

Liam sits near the front next to his mom and tries his best to stay focused on Father Robert and not fall asleep when he sees something moving out of the corner of his eye. It's Danielle, sitting in the church pew across the aisle, and she's waving quite frantically at Liam and he smiles uneasily back at her, raising his hand slightly so his mom doesn't see. She really is beautiful in her hazel brown blazer covering her olive green dress as she clutches her pastel yellow handbag, her curly, bouncy hair resting on her shoulders. Liam admires her sense of style, and again, she really is beautiful, but he dreads the conversation his mother is forcing him to have with her. He doesn't like Danielle, and he thinks it's to the point where "platonic" is even out of the question.

After the sermon, a group of people gather to talk in the foyer, including Mrs. Payne and her son, whom Danielle practically traps in a corner to ramble on about her week and her pink nails and her hair trim and how badly her friend Tracy—who didn't show up because she's hungover—needs to go to a confessional. Liam smiles as genuinely as he can until his face hurts, and eventually uses the brief moment of when Danielle is not talking to ask her go see a movie at the AMC Theater on Independence Way, and, adding to his misery, she agrees and imposes that they see the new Ryan Gosling movie. He has no choice but to say yes, and he says goodbye when his mom beckons him over to leave, but Danielle squeezes him tight and runs away without saying another word.

"I saw you talking to Danielle," his mom says as they make their way into the house, "How did it go?" Liam folds his arms across his chest, not even slightly as eager as his mom, "She said yes." Liam's mom's eyes light up and she wraps her arms around her son's abdomen, "That's great! Oh, I'm so excited for you! My baby's growing up, going on his second date!" She pinches his thin cheeks and Liam can't help but smile at his adorable mom and her excitement, "Yeah, yeah, okay, mother." She giggles and lets up, walking towards the kitchen.

Liam's just out of the shower, changing into his pajamas when his mom calls him downstairs. She's sitting at the kitchen island with the cordless house phone in her hand and looks worried. "What's wrong, mother?"

"So, I won't be able to take you and Danielle to the movies this Friday," she says, her voice weak, "I have to go take care of your Aunt Renee this weekend. She's having trouble with her back again and your Uncle Frank is visiting his family in Québec." Liam almost leaps out of his slippers when he hears the news, but feels bad for his aunt. She's a sweet woman. "Aww, that's too bad," Liam says, taking control of his face muscles so that he doesn't break into a smile, "I guess I'll just have to reschedule with Danielle—"

"Oh, no, I can't take you, but our new neighbor can," she says, and Liam can feel his heart skip a beat. "What? Lou—I mean, Mr. Tomlinson?" Mrs. Payne smiles and nods, "Yes, he came over while you were showering and was so delighted to meet me. I told him about your little date with Danielle and how I have to leave for the weekend, and he offered to take you guys. How come you didn't tell me you helped Mr. Tomlinson with his stuff?" Liam gulps, "I don't know…it slipped my mind, I guess." His mom walks over to him and hugs him tight, "Oh, Liam. Well, it's good to know that there are good people still in this evil world." Liam nods against his mom's head, "Yeah, Louis' pretty cool." He smiles, but only briefly. His mom pulls out of the hug, looking concerned, "Now, be careful with Mr. Tomlinson, alright? His voice is a little too high for my liking, and the way he waltzed away makes me think he's one of those…fruity men. Not that I have a problem with that, I think they're hilarious and can style the heck out of my hair, it's just—oh, you know." She caresses Liam's cheek, smiling into his eyes. Liam's jaw tightens at the contact, but he quickly suppresses it and fakes a smile, "Yes, I know, mother."


	7. Chapter 7

7\. Liam

Liam's comfortable with the fact that his mom went out and bought new clothes for him to wear for Friday night. He's even more comfortable with the two hundred dollar bills she slips into the pocket of his new jeans when he's at school that Friday afternoon before she leaves. What he's not comfortable with is the doorbell ringing at around five-thirty, just as Liam's done cleaning off the chlorine from practice in his shower. The doorbell rings again, and Liam quickly grabs a pair of pajama bottoms and pullover he hasn't worn in ages that turns out to be a little too small for him and rushes down the stairs, nearly missing a step. The doorbell rings just as he opens the door to find Louis standing in front of him, smiling, and wearing a skintight red thermal with black skinny jeans that squeeze around his thighs. Liam blinks at him, too choked up to speak.

"Don't tell me you're thinking about wearing this on your date tonight, Li," Louis giggles, covering his mouth with his hand and the crinkles by his eyes are fully exposed. Liam looks down at himself, stuttering, "Oh, I-I'm sorry, I just got out of thee, um, shower and, yeah." Louis laughs and pushes Liam aside to get in his house, "Well, you go get dressed and I'll go do something other than freeze to death outside." Liam closes the door behind them and smiles, looking at the floor, "Well, um, you can have something to eat, if you'd like. My mother made a fruit salad before she left." Louis barks in laughter, walking towards the kitchen, "Oh, jeez, your mother. She probably made it just for me." Liam's brow furrows as he rushes upstairs to change into his clothes.

He walks back into the kitchen and it is empty, so he calls out Louis' name and an in here comes from the dining room across the hall. Louis' kneeling in front of a small picture frame hidden by a large banana tree plant in the corner, looking intently at a picture of Liam when he was about three years old and his mother and father. "You never told me about your dad, Li," he says, using his hand to move the plant out of the way, "You actually kinda look like him." Liam inhales deeply and licks his lips. He doesn't talk about his dad. Changing the subject, he points towards the kitchen, "Um, did you have any of that fruit salad?" Louis nods, "Yeah, it was alright. Not enough grapes for my taste, but who am I, right?" He stands up and turns around, getting a first glance at Liam. Liam's wearing a white dress shirt with a thin black silk tie that disappears into a black leather jacket, with black skinny dress pants and shiny black dress shoes and his hair slicked to the side. At first, Louis has this weird, stunned look on his face as his eyes travel up and down his body, morphing into a playful, menacing smirk, "What's with all the black? Going to a funeral or something?" Liam jerks back, looking down at himself to make sure that everything is intact and that there's no wardrobe malfunction when Louis puts a hand on his shoulder, "I was kidding. You look great, Liam. A little dressy for the movies, but it suits you." Liam pauses and feels dumb for how big he grins at Louis, who pats him on the shoulder and says, "Alright let's go. Danielle's waiting for you." Liam cringes.

The entire car ride, Danielle complains about how she found out that Tracy has the same dress she was wearing tonight, a short black cocktail dress, and that it's too late to go back and exchange it because it wouldn't match her shoes. Liam looks at Louis from the back seat in the rearview mirror and sees Louis cross his eyes in annoyance, and it makes him laugh, but his laugh stops Danielle's rambling and she looks back from the passenger seat, the seat that Liam gave up for her because he's "such a gentleman," as Louis puts it, and she sneers at him, "Do you find my annoyance with Tracy's reductive sense of fashion funny?" Liam, a little surprised that Danielle actually knew such a word as "reductive," shakes his head politely with a straight face, finding his words as he speaks, "Oh, no. I just, uh, remembered something funny from…a while ago." Danielle rolls her eyes and turns back around, "Good, because Tracy's the type of girl who needs to spend time in that confessional, if you know what I mean." Liam sees Louis' eye twitch in the mirror, and he feels the need to changes the subject, so he does, "So, um, what movie did you want to see again?"

-

The movie is actually pretty good, despite the fact that Ryan Gosling doesn't really say much, and Liam cringes at the point where the movie gets gory, and he has to step outside for a moment while Danielle is mesmerized with Mr. Gosling. He takes this time to use the restroom, and after the second time he washes his hands, he runs into Louis, who's sitting in the lobby eating a bag of popcorn. "Hey, Li," he says, eyes focused on the big screen showcasing trailers of new movies. Liam frowns and sits next to him, "Mr. Tomlinson, I thought you said you were going to eat out with your friend, uh, Harry?" Liam wants to twitch at the name, knowing that the tall man, Harry, has been places with Louis where he's desperately dying to venture. "He cancelled," Louis says, popping a small bundle of popcorn in his mouth, "Some kind of 'corporate meeting,' or something. Meh." He shrugs at that and goes back to the big screen. "Why aren't you in there with your fabulous date?" Liam sighs, "I'm trying to be as polite and civil as possible, but I don't think I can take another minute of this…this…"

"Bullshit?" Louis manages to say with his mouth full of popcorn, and Liam laughs at him and at the word because he can't put it in any better words than that. "Hey, you said it, I didn't," he says, crossing his arms, and there's another moment where it's just the two of them, staring and smiling at each other, and it's then when Liam fully realizes just how blue Louis' eyes are. "Look," Louis says, losing the staring contest, "if you're really having such a shitty time, we can skip dinner and go hang out at my place instead. Well, without your damsel in distress, of course." Liam hesitates, looking at the funky circles on the lobby's carpet and back at Louis, who's crumpling up his finished bag of popcorn and raises his eyebrows. There's no denying that Liam wants to be alone with Louis, but he doesn't trust himself, not after the two times when he lost control in his bedroom and became some sex-starved homosexual reckless animal. Yet it's nudging at him, digging its nails into his brain, and slowly disabling any rule or regulation that religion has taught him and it's freaky, even to him, when he agrees to come along with Louis.

-

Danielle seems a bit disappointed when Liam says he's feeling ill and that they'll have to postpone dinner for another time, and Liam feels guilty about it as he's walking up the pathway to Louis' house. This "sinning" ordeal is becoming a nonstop thing, but Liam doesn't see an end to it. Louis' house has a familiar setup, only this time with less boxes and the smell of cinnamon in the air. "Your house smells really nice," Liam says as he sits on the edge of the couch, careful not to touch or break anything. Louis shrugs, kicking off his shoes and plopping down in his big armchair, "I know. I'm amazing." Liam laughs to himself as he scurries to his feet to untie his shoe and slips it off, mirroring Louis, who just laughs, "You don't have to take off your shoes, you know. I just like to be barefoot." Liam, midway of taking off his other shoe, freezes, "Oh….well, uh, might as well now, you know?" Louis stands up, walking towards the kitchen and shaking his head, "Oh, Liam Payne. What are you we going to do with you?" Liam grins, nodding and loses himself in his thoughts.

Louis startles him when he sets a bottle of ginger ale next to a tall, green bottle on the coffee table, and Liam looks closely at the bottle, "What's this?" Louis places a stack of four small Styrofoam cups next to the bottle, "Jameson. It's whiskey. Oh, and these are Styrofoam cups, in case you're wondering. My shot glasses broke—oh wait, you were there, weren't you?" He laughs at himself, not seeing the way Liam's mouth goes dry and eyes go wide at the sight of the alcohol. He remembers how he got the first time he drank, and the recent descent into new wickedness is diminishing the level of trust he has for himself. But, something inside of him wants it. He wants to feel it, everything, all of it.

"It's okay if you don't want any, I could just put it back," Louis says, reaching for the bottle when Liam interrupts. "No, no," he says with a weary smile, "It's fine. I-I never tried whiskey before, might as well now, right?" Louis looks at him, "Are you sure? It's a lot stronger than that wine we had last time." Liam shrugs, "How bad could it be?"


	8. Chapter 8

8\. Liam

"And then, and then there was this one time…this one time where this fucking model who thought he was the shit, Max, I think his name was…..Max, who thought he was the _shit_ , and fuckin'….fuckin' comes backstage from the runway and fuckin' _demands_ that one of the other models gets him something to drink 'cause the asshole was _thirsty_. Thirsty! Can you believe it?"

Liam's laughing more than he's ever laughed in his life, and he's curled in a ball on the couch, holding his sides and trying not to cry from the laughter. His hair is surprisingly still intact, but his leather jacket is long gone, with his necklace dangling underneath his shirt that's unbuttoned at the top and his tie hanging untied on his shoulders. He's about three shots in, two less than what Louis takes, and it worries him a little until Louis' going off about his days as a model, talking louder than the television. "Oh gosh," Liam manages to squeal out, "That's so funny! You should be one of those…comedians or something." Louis scoffs, pouring the rest of the ginger ale into his cup, "Right? And the worst part is this fuckin' guy thought that I would put out for him. Please." Liam's laughter dies down, his face falling in the process, "You…you didn't, right?"

"What?" Louis turns to look at Liam, knocking back the ginger ale. "Um," Liam tries to find the words, "you didn't, um….'put out'?" Louis smiles and there's something sly about the way he turns his entire body towards him, "Why?" Liam shakes his head, raising his eyebrows as he blinks, "I…I dunno. The guy just seemed like a…like a dick, that's all." Liam watches Louis' face light up, and it's like one of those slow motion commercials, catching every inch of his face widen as he jumps up and points at Liam accusingly, "Oh my god, you just said 'dick'! Liam, you just swore!" Liam looks horrified, as if he'd just seen a dead kitten, and stands in his defense, his hands shaking, and says, "No! No, no, n-n-no! I meant to say jerk!" He slaps his forehead as he sits back down, and Louis laughs at him, sitting next to him to pat him on the back, "It's alright, Li, that guy was a dick. Well put, Liam, you deserve a shot." He grabs the nearly empty bottle and pours the rest into Liam's Styrofoam cup and hands it to him, followed by Liam's cup of ginger ale.

"There you go," he hears Louis whisper as he downs the whiskey, his face scrunching up tremendously as the burn of the alcohol seeps through his throat, and he immediately chugs the ginger ale, ending with a refreshed ah. Louis giggles, gathering up the empty bottle and cups, "You're a real natural, Li. I'm surprised you haven't puked or passed out already." Liam rubbing his eyes, "I am, too." He hears Louis chuckle in the kitchen, the sound of the glass bottle hitting the bottom of the trash compactor startling Liam.

Liam wonders when and how Louis manages to sneak by him, because now Louis' trampling down the stairs wearing a black tank top and exceptionally tight red shorts with little bananas on them. Liam breaths in sharply, almost gasping at Louis' body, and covers it up with, "Oh, man, Mr. Tomlinson, I didn't see you pass me." Louis hops onto the couch next to him, grabbing a huge bowl mixed with gummy bears and popcorn and potato chips from the coffee table that Liam most certainly did not remember being there. "I thought I told you to call me 'Louis,'" he says, nudging at Liam's knee with his foot, and Liam can see the muscle in Louis' thigh flex as he continues, "and you passed out for a good twenty minutes, so I took a shower and changed. Want some?" He offers the bowl to Liam, who checks his watch instead, and it's almost nine-thirty, "Oh gosh, I should head home before mother—"

"Liam, she's outta town, remember? Besides, what's the rush?" Louis rolls his eyes, smiling as he drops a gummy bear into his mouth. He offers Liam the bowl again, and Liam looks at it for a moment, and shakes his head as he grabs some popcorn with a sullen face. "Aww, cheer up, kid," Louis says, nudging harder at Liam's knee and failing at his attempt at a British accent, "Mummy's gonna be home before you know it!" Liam scoffs, "Yeah, yeah, whatever. Nice shorts, by the way." Louis sits up, feigning offense, "Excuse you, but these shorts were part of the Yorktown Spring Sleepwear Collection."

"Too bad it's almost winter," Liam retorts, pushing at Louis' foot that was resting on his knee. Louis tosses a gummy bear that lands on Liam's cheek, "Oh, whatever. They feel amazing, anyway; pure mulberry silk." Liam tilts his head, "You're lying. That stuff is way too expensive." Louis gives him a judging look, "Uh, you obviously don't know who I modeled for." Liam turns his body to face Louis, leaning back against the armrest, "Why did you stop modeling again?" Louis sucks his teeth, "I told you. It wasn't for me." Liam persists, "I'm sure there must be some valid reason why you'd give that kind of life up. I couldn't see how I would ever stop, if it were me." Liam watches as Louis tucks his legs underneath him, placing the huge bowl of snacks on his lap and refusing to look at Liam and staring at the television in silence, his face cold. Liam's worried, but the alcohol in his system wants to keep this going, "Did, um, something happen?" Louis stops eating and his eyes are staring at some spot on the coffee table, but Liam can tell he's focusing on something else. Louis still doesn't answer him.

Liam inches closer to Louis, his shin knocking Louis' knee, and Louis' eyes shift from Liam's shin and to his face when he repeats, "Did something happen, Louis?" Louis snaps out of his trance, and there's a mixture of brightness and bitterness in his voice when he finally says, "You know, Liam, if you ever get the fantastic idea of losing your identity to the modeling world, make sure you're part of a fucking union first. That way, you won't end up getting conned into doing something and screwed over when the agency doesn't believe you or give a shit."

"Louis, what are you—"

"They drugged me, Liam," Louis glares at Liam, who sits frozen, "I…I went for a job and there was this party afterwards and…and the photographer and his fuckin' buddies drugged me and took me to his fuckin' mansion, and then they…they…" His voice begins to crack, as he continues, "They took turns, and I didn't know if they used condoms, and I had to get tested and luckily I didn't get anything, and I just…." His voice trails off and his gaze lowers to the ground. Liam sits in shock, too afraid to say anything or even move. Louis continues, "And, when I fuckin' went to the agency I worked for, they didn't believe me. They just thought I was one of those coked out models like that asshole Max and sent me on my way." Louis looks so close to crying, so close to breaking down, and it breaks Liam's heart to see Louis like this.

"That's," Liam begins, shaking his head in disbelief, "that's terrible, Louis." Louis looks at Liam, anger seeping through the pores on his face, "So, that's what happened." Liam doesn't know what to say, so he inches towards Louis, "I'm so sorry." Liam moves to Louis in attempt to wrap an arm around Louis, but Louis jerks back, the bowl of snacks nearly spilling onto the carpet. Liam freezes, and Louis crawls back away from him on the couch, "I don't need your pity, kid."

Liam frowns, staying in his hovering position above Louis, "Pity? Is that what you think this is?" Louis crosses his arms and looks at the television, "Liam, I think it's best if you just go home. You're drunk and you need to sleep it off." Louis' making excuses, Liam can tell, but Liam cares a little too much for this man he'd just met days ago and refuses to let anything drive him away. Liam follows Louis, sympathy spread across his face as he's scooting closer as Louis moves back until there's no more room left for him to escape and he's lying on his back with his head on the armrest. "Liam, leave. Now," Louis insists, his face strikes with worry, but his eyes flickering from Liam's lips to his eyes, breathing heavily. "No," Liam says, because he only wants to hug him and tell him that everything will be alright. With one last, quiet Liam from Louis, Liam lunges forward, hovering over Louis, about to hug him when he stops directly in front of Louis' face.

Liam's face is so close to Louis' as he's holding himself up by his strong arms in between Louis' legs, and his puppy dog eyes are enormous as they look at Louis, who's mirroring him. They both look and feel like terrified, adolescent virgins, and one of them actually is, and he breaks the silence, saying, "I'm not leaving, Louis." Louis watches his lips as he speaks his words and trails back up to his eyes, looking as if he's asking for permission for them. Liam tugs on his bottom lip with his teeth, his face tilted and uneasy. What's to happen feels almost inevitable, unavoidable, and Liam gulps, swallowing whatever power and restrain he had on himself, and feeling it pass through his racing heart and land in the pit of his stomach that's overflowing with butterflies. He leans in slowly, his mind floods and races and he feels overcome with anxiety until he presses his lips against Louis' lips. Liam's lips are gentle and afraid but eager, and he pulls back and watches Louis slowly open his blue eyes. Louis' not smiling and he looks troubled, but he reaches up to rest his palm on Liam's left cheek, using his thumb to caress the stubbly skin. Liam licks his lips, smiling at how beautiful Louis looks, and reattaches his lips to Louis, smiling into the kiss because he finally _feels_ it throughout his body. Louis opens his mouth to hook Liam's bottom lip between his, and Liam freaks a little, but doesn't hesitate to take in Louis' upper lip. He backs off a minute later and it feels too short. He licks his lips once more and he can taste Louis on them, and it sends an electric spark up his spine when Louis smiles at him. He's about to lean back in for the kiss when a sudden ache pulses in his crotch, and he looks down to see the outline of his hard erection fully visible through his jeans and when he looks up at Louis, he's looking down with this curious yet terrified look, and it makes Liam practically leaps off of Louis, standing and covering his erection with his leather jacket.

"O-Oh gosh," he stutters, shutting his eyes and trying to pretend to be somewhere else, but the hotness of his face is too unbearable and repeating himself, "Oh gosh." He opens his eyes and sees Louis, his face still in shock, and Liam's almost certain that Louis thinks he's a horny little weird kid, so he turns and bolts for the door. He doesn't hear the _Liam wait_ as he slams his way out of the house.

-

It's Saturday afternoon and Liam's waking up completely naked, lying on his stomach with his legs cuddling his sheets. His head hurts tremendously, and he's so upset that he had agreed to drink alcohol for the second time. He remembers Louis' warning about whiskey and how he insisted on trying it, and he hates himself for it. He hates himself for ditching Danielle to get drunk with Louis, and for letting things escalate the way they did. He feels like a coward for running away, but Louis' face was enough for him to leave. Seeing Liam's erection probably frightened him, Liam thinks, because it was so weird, and now he doesn't know if he can even face Louis in his embarrassing shame. He turns over in his bed and looks at his ceiling that starts to spin, and he's gathering the strength to hurry to his bathroom in case he feels like he needs to vomit. He wonders why the heck he's nude, and looks to see his new clothes all over the floor. He rolls back over, groaning. He feels as if he's dying, and wouldn't disagree with someone if they said he was.

This strange arousal from the realization that he's actually lying naked in his bed creeps up on him, along with the memory of Louis' lips moving against his that makes him shudder, and Liam feels himself growing under his body. It doesn't take long before he has a full erection, and he regrets it instantly, not wanting to touch himself and give in to temptation, as if to redeem himself from his fall from grace the last few days. He starts twisting and writhing in his bed, grazing his erection against his sheets as all of his blood rushes down to it and it starts to pulse and twitch. It upsets him when he realizes he's involuntarily thrusting into the bed, his body relentless on getting what it wants. He's weak and he surrenders, and his mind wanders to images from two nights ago with Louis and that tall man, losing himself in his head, and suddenly Louis' underneath him, skin hot and eyes dilated with arousal. He feels his own heart thumping against his sheets, drumming against his chest to stab its way through to find Louis. Liam's thrusts become desperate, and his body's setting the bed on fire, and soon he finds himself practically digging his hips into the duvet, his bum clenching hard and his back flexing with each thrust. He catches his pillow between his canines and bites down, making small tears in the pillow case. He feels the need to cry nagging in the form of a lump in his throat, and he's moaning pathetically as he comes between his sheets, curling in on himself as he finally reaches down to squeeze the head, and he shudders violently. He can't breathe, can't get his breath to push out of his lungs; all he can do is hear the blood pumping in his ears. He forces out his breath, and it leaves him with a gasp for air, continuing until his body finally relaxes onto his pillow, wet with his sweat and saliva. His head pulses, and with each pulse is a painful reminder never to drink alcohol again in his life, but the thought of drinking with Louis brings a small smile to his face. Louis' blue eyes help calm the intense turmoil that erupts inside his body and the memory of his sweet laughter acts as a delicate lullaby as Liam begins to doze off. He's happy, and relaxes in the essence of Louis Tomlinson, and he doesn't expect it to end, even in his dreams.

He's just about to drift into deep sleep when the doorbell rings.


	9. Chapter 9

9\. Louis

Louis feels absolutely ridiculous as he's ringing the doorbell to the Payne house. He knows he should just let it go and find some other guy to distract himself, but it's been nagging at him all morning, and he can't deny how hard he came thinking about the Catholic boy in the shower. There's no way of escaping it, not when he's barely settling down in a place he's actually beginning to like. Sure, everything's a little far and there's not a lot of clubs down the street from him like in LA, but that's not what Louis needs anymore. He just doesn't want to screw anything up, and he just might have with last night's disaster, even though it was Liam who kissed him and it was Liam whose _huge_ boner scared the shit out of him. Harry used to be the biggest Louis' ever seen, but Liam's practically blowing him out of the water with that shlong of his. He decides to text Liam, _hey im comin over. we need to talk._ , but he gets no response, so he just goes over anyway.

And now here he is, ringing the doorbell around one in the afternoon for the third time and feeling pitiful because of it, and he's about to give the fuck up and walk back to his house when the door opens. Liam's standing there, shirtless and rubbing his temple with his other hand. He's wearing these blue gym shorts with black stripes down the sides, and Louis can totally see his penis, and it takes everything in him not to look at it.

"Hey," he says, raising his hand to wave. The sun is barely shining, and he can tell there's a chill by the way Liam shivers, and how hard his tiny nipples are getting, but that's beside the point. "Did you get my text?" Liam takes the hand off his temple and wraps his arm around his body, covering himself, "No, sorry. I forgot to charge my phone, so it's dead." Louis feels a bit embarrassed and has the urge to back away slowly, but rolls back and forward on the balls of his feet, "Oh." Their infamous awkward silence returns and Liam sighs loudly, "Do you want to come inside?" Louis nods without hesitation, "Yeah, sure, why not?"

Liam motions his hand towards the living room and Louis follows, barely sitting on this fancy white couch, careful not to break or ruin anything. Liam stands with his hands on his hips, and the expression on his face is a blend of exhaustion, guilt, and some other inscrutable gaze when he looks at him. Louis' trying so hard to focus on looking to Liam's eyes, but his abs are _superb_ , and the way every muscle and vein in his biceps and forearms protrude makes a part of Louis angry for just sitting there and not licking every inch of Liam's body, but he crosses his legs instead, hiding the growing boner in his black skinny jeans. "Did you want anything?" Liam asks, his voice hoarse and easier to hear without the wind blowing in Louis' ears outside. Louis sighs, "I wanted to talk about last night." Liam presses his lips together and looks down at his feet, "What about it?"

"Everything got all overly emotional and I wanted to say I'm sorry," Louis says, trying to grab Liam's interest from his feet. Liam doesn't look up, and Louis sighs, but Liam sounds as if he's embarrassed, "It's alright. It was a terrible thing that happened to you. I get it." Louis frowns, "No, it's not alright. I shouldn't have forced you into ditching that girl and drinking and—"

"You didn't force me to do anything," Liam says, still looking at his feet, "I wanted to get away from Danielle."

Louis snorts, "Well, yeah, anybody would. But, things…got a little out of control and…I know. I know you like girls, kid, and I can't be that gay guy trying to turn someone into something he's not."

Liam's jaw tightens and Louis can hear the slight grinding of this teeth. His body is turning a bright pink, and Louis wants to reach out and soothe him with his touch.

"Look, we can just forget about…that and pretend it never happened, okay?"

Liam's foot is tapping rapidly on the floor.

"Okay?" Louis repeats himself, leaning in a bit. Liam's refusal to acknowledge his presence is starting to irritate Louis' already low patience. Liam remains silent, like he's holding back. Louis raises his voice, "What, are you gonna answer me or—"

"Okay, Mr. Tomlinson," Liam's voice cracks and is a little louder than Louis expected, and he turns his face toward the kitchen, "Just…okay." Louis' stomach drops, and he wants to wrap himself around Liam, but he's too afraid of reenacting their little scene from last night, so he stands and stuffs his hands into his pockets. "You alright, kid?"

"Yes. I, uh, have stuff to do, so can you please leave?"

Louis' face twists into a scowl, "Wait, can I at least help?"

Liam turns and starts for the kitchen, "Lock the door on your way out, please."

Louis stands there, dumbfounded, but there's nothing left to say. He feels that something is wrong, definitely wrong, but it's clearly out of his power. He watches Liam slowly disappear into the kitchen, his arms folded in front of him. Louis lets out a long sigh, and makes his way out of the front door, locking it before he shuts it.


	10. Chapter 10

10\. Louis

It's a couple of days until Halloween and decorations flood Danvers like nothing Louis' ever seen before; there are white sheets with ghost faces hanging on the trees, actual pumpkins carved into jack-o-lanterns, tombstones and fake dead bodies on the lawns, and everything looks so autumn, like the town itself is just one huge Halloween harvest fest. Louis can't help but love it a he watches from his doorstep as a family drive a Dodge Power Wagon truck down his street, and it's brimming with huge, bright orange pumpkins. He waves at the adorable little girl when she waves at him, her face painted like a jack-o-lantern. Harry calls him from inside, and before he steps inside, he sees Mrs. Payne following a very lively Danielle, wearing nothing but orange and black, and Liam into the house, and Liam looks like he wants to shoot himself.

Louis hasn't heard from Liam since the day after they kissed; Liam doesn't respond to any of Louis' texts to hang out or watch that new episode of Glee—even though he and Liam can't stand the show—or go to see a movie or anything. They see each other from time to time when Liam's helping his mom unload the groceries from her minivan or when Liam's coming home from school in his uniform, but they never say anything, and Liam usually walks a little faster with his eyes focused on the cracks in the sidewalk. It surprises Louis when Liam looks over and actually makes eye contact and smiles, stopping in his tracks to wave. Louis waves back, confused as fuck, and Mrs. Payne looks over to see who her son is waving at and calls out, "Oh, hey there, Louis! It's nice to see you!" Louis nods, and watches as Liam's wave becomes less enthusiastic when he looks at his mom, and his smile fades. He leaves his mom behind and rushes insides his house, and Mrs. Payne follows behind, nodding one last time at Louis before entering.

"Louis, bring your ass!"

Louis steps back inside his house before closing the front door, turning around and almost jumping out of his skin when he sees Harry dressed in an extremely creepy full bodysuit of the muscle anatomy of the human body from head to toe, "Jesus fuckin' Christ, Harry! What the fuck is that supposed to be?" Harry's voice is slow and sounds matter-of-fact, "I'm going to the party as Slim Goodbody." He puts his hands on his hips in a comedic way, and sings, "Ta-Da!" Louis pushes him out of the way to the armchair, "Well, good luck getting laid in that, weirdo." Harry lies down on the floor, looking up at the ceiling, "I'm not trying to get laid. The true meaning of Halloween is to eat loads of candy and get shitfaced with your pals." Louis sips some of his bottled soda and belts out a laugh, "Ha! Oh, please. You've been going on and on for weeks about how you're gonna find some chick at the party and do all sorts of nasty straight-guy stuff to her." He shivers at the thought. Harry hops up in front of the armchair and puts his hands back on his hips, "Hey, that's none of your business. Besides, if I was trying to get laid, I have you for that." He pokes a finger into Louis' side and Louis barely misses his crotch when he kicks up. "You're not touching me in that fucking creepy suit," he says, curling his body into the armchair. Harry stops for a moment, and Louis can't see because his face is covered, but he's pretty sure that Harry has some sort of mischievous look on his face, as he says, "Don't give me ideas, princess." Louis has a habit of throwing things at Harry whenever he says something awful, but when there's nothing around except his bottle of soda and he's not wasting his Dr. Pepper for this doofus, so he exhales and sinks down further into his armchair.

"I don't even want to go to that damn party, anyway. It's probably gonna be boring and overrun with drunk girls dressed as sluts," he sounds as bitter as he looks. Harry sighs out of frustration and flops his arms in the air, "Here we go again. Look, why don't you just talk to the guy? You live right next door, for fuck sake!"

Harry knows him so well. "I've tried to talk to him, but he won't answer my texts. What am I supposed to do, call him?"

"Yes, Louis!" Harry pulls the bodysuit over his head and he looks irritated, but still handsome, "That's what normal people do when they want to talk to someone."

"Well, I can't do that," Louis says in a low, shy voice, "You know how I get when I talk to people on the phone. I even get weird when I call my mom." Harry sits himself on the armrest of the couch nearest to the armchair, "Louis, you need to quit with the bullshit. If you really want to talk to him, you have to do the mature thing and go over to his house and talk to him. I'm sure it's all a misunderstanding."

"There is nothing mature about that. It's just asking for trouble," Louis says, toying with the rim of the bottle with his thumb. Harry throws up his hands and shrugs, "Fine, you do what you want. You're still coming with me to that party in Salem. Now help me get out of this thing before I start to sweat." Louis stands up behind Harry and unzips the suit down his bare back, and squeals. "Harry! Are you naked underneath?" Harry turns around and pulls down the top half of the suit, revealing his tattoo-ridden torso and arms, "I don't know. Wanna find out?" Louis is about to insult him when Harry shoves the bodysuit down his legs and kicks it off, and, of course, he was naked underneath.

-

Louis decides that if his only option of getting laid at the Halloween party in Salem tonight depends on whether or not Harry is getting some, then he's going to take matters into his own hands and dress as slutty as possible for the night. He manages to dress in sexy Scottish Highland attire, fully equipped with caramel dress shoes, knee-high silk white socks, a plaid sash hanging lazily over his shoulder, a plaid beret with a white feather poking out of it, a thick black belt with a cute little side pouch to put his stuff in, and last, but definitely not least, a kilt that comes up just below the end of his thick thighs. Louis adds his own element of "sexy" by refusing to wear a shirt or anything under the kilt, which proves to be quite the annoyance when Harry practically hauls Louis towards him to straddle his lap during the ride in the taxicab to the party. In any other setting, it would be perfectly acceptable for Harry's hand creeping up and down his thigh, but Louis can't help but feel awkward as fuck when the taxi driver clears his throat when Harry whispers I wanna eat you out a little too loud through the bodysuit covering his head. Louis can't even take him seriously with this stupid thing on, but the fabric feels nice on his newly shaven legs.

They arrive to the hotel at about a quarter to ten, and it looks fancier than Louis had expected. He walks into the lobby of the Salem Waterfront Motel & Marina and it's beautiful, and even has a fireplace that has cute mini pumpkins on its shelf and a wreath made up of pinecones and straw and brown and yellow. Louis takes a last glance at the wreath before he watches Harry pull out his I.D. and shows it to the front desk clerk and they exchange information before Harry pulls Louis into an elevator. 

"You excited?"

"Yeah, kinda," Louis says, leans against the golden rail and watches as Harry unzips and pulls the suit down over his head after he presses the button for the top floor. Harry bites his lip, and reaches into his pocket to pull out his wallet and takes a small purple bag of multicolored pills out of the wallet. Louis rolls his eyes as he watches Harry carefully pull out a pink one before stuffing the bag back into this wallet before he puts it away. Still biting his lip, Harry hovers over Louis and kisses him, slowly bringing the pill between them to take it between his teeth and he bites down, swallowing half and taking the other half into his finger and holding it up before Louis' mouth. Louis declines the offer, "Don't feel like it tonight." Harry doesn't seem to mind, but asks, "Why not, Lou? It's been too long since we've rolled together." Louis shakes his head, "No, maybe some other time, when we're alone or something, but you go right ahead." Harry shrugs and swallows the other half with ease before returning his lips to Louis', and Louis opens one eye to look at what floor is next but gets distracted when Harry grabs the back of his knee and wraps his smooth thigh around his waist, and Louis moans a little when Harry kisses his neck. Suddenly, there's a ding and the elevator door opens to a roaring hallway of people in costumes and loud music blaring, and Louis finds it funny that one: no one seems to notice or care about what they were doing when the door opens, and two: it's barely ten and the party already seems to be in full swing. Harry quickly zips up his bodysuit and pulls Louis out of the elevator before it closes, and Louis prays to whatever he believes in that everyone still lacks great observation skills and doesn't see him trying to conceal his boner.

Harry ditches Louis about an hour into the party for some woman dressed as a sexy dolphin, and while he's spending his time trying to figure out how the girl actually pulled it off, he sits in one of the many king suites that one of Harry's rich buddies checked out and sips on his first and only Pabst Blue Ribbon. It's one of the quieter rooms, filled with maybe like 5 or 6 people, including Louis, and it's a little smoky from the weed this cute Pakistani with this obscure accent that Louis thinks is British is smoking, and he's dressed in what looks like a Captain Jack costume, only he has dark, ominous makeup on his face. Louis watches the guy as he rolls a joint effortlessly with one hand on one of the beds, bragging to his friends about his time is Los Angeles and Malibu, and Louis wants to roll his eyes and conclude that the guy is a douche, but he can't take his eyes off of his angular face and long eyelashes. The guy looks across the room and sees Louis looking back at him, and he smirks the most arrogant smirk with his tongue pressed in between his teeth and slowly tilts his head to beckon Louis over from his seat by the window. Louis downs his beer and sets it lazily down somewhere on the ground and walks over, seeing as the man bites the side of his bottom lip when he watches Louis' smooth legs as he sits down. His friends also seem to take note of it, because they look at each other and relocate to where Louis was sitting before, leaving Louis and the mystery man to themselves.

"What's your name?" The guy asks slowly. His accent is thick, and he licks the glue on the cigarette paper and rolls it before twisting the front end. "I'm Louis," Louis offers a hand, but the guy bites off the tip of the front end of the joint instead and spits it out, and Louis' not even remotely turned off by it, "Zayn." Louis nods, "You sure do know how to roll a joint." Zayn smirks, "Yeah, been doing it since I started Sixth Form." Louis has no idea what the fuck that means, probably some British thing, but he smiles anyway, "Oh really? Cool." Zayn looks like he's going to reach for a lighter, but pulls out a small bag of white powder instead and puts his joint on the bed before them. Louis glares at the stuff, and he thinks he's gonna be sick when Zayn whispers in his ear, "Let's take this to the toilets, yeah? Do a bit of lines." Louis fights the urge to punch the guy in his perfectly shaped nose and just shakes his head, "No, thanks. It's not my style." Zayn pulls back and shrugs, "Suit yourself, man." He gets up and walks over to his friends, snaps his fingers, and they follow him to the bathroom and he closes the door after he winks in Louis' direction. Louis looks and sees that he's left the joint, so he slips it in his side pouch and leaves the room to find Harry.

Just as he's walking out, in the sea of people, he sees a familiar set of bouncing chocolate curls under a white sailor cap down the hall, and he sees that it's Danielle, screeching some sort of victory cry with a half empty bottle of Grey Goose in her hand and everyone joins her. He sees she's holding hands with some guy not dressed in a costume, wearing a blue hoodie and jeans, and Louis' actually offended that this guy would even show up to a costume party not wearing a fucking costume. This, coupling with the fact that he's obviously not Liam—his mom is way too Catholic to let him celebrate Halloween—and Danielle's holding his hand, urges Louis through the crowd towards them, and someone spills water (not vodka, thank goodness) on his bare chest, but he keeps going until he's a couple of feet away, and he sees Danielle gripping the guy's head and pressing weird, rapid and continuous little pecks on the guy's lips. It's fucking weird, and when Louis' about to confront them, the guy breaks loose and runs towards the opened elevator behind Louis, but stops in his tracks when he sees Louis.

"Liam?"

Liam's eyes are wide, like a deer frightened by headlights, mouthing something to himself that Louis can't hear, and he grabs Louis' arm and drags him towards the elevator and makes it just in time before it closes. He presses the button for the lobby as Louis freaks out, "What are you doing here, Liam? It's almost midnight! Your mom's gonna be pissed! And don't you have school in the morning? It's a Wednesday!" Liam's out of breath, leaning up against the elevator wall with his hood still up and looks down at his watch, "Well, it's a Thursday now." Louis chokes back on his words, tilting his head with a disapproving look in his face. Liam's face slowly morphs into a huge grin as he laughs, and Louis can't help but burst into laughter, covering his mouth because the smile on his face is too big and ugly for him to show.

They sit in silence during the ride home in the taxicab, but there's nothing tense about it. It's easy, and Louis tries his best to get a good look at the stars in the sky, but the glare on the window from the passing streetlights make it hard for him to enjoy himself. He looks over at Liam, who's already staring at him with this tiny smile and this look in his eyes that makes Louis want to wrap his entire body around him and writhe with him in the backseat like he did with Harry, but he crosses his legs, forcing himself to think of dead puppies and Perez Hilton to make his boner go down.

They finally arrive home and they get out of the cab after Louis pays. It's colder than Louis expects and he shivers, and he expects Liam to scurry away to his house before he gets into even deeper shit, but Liam's standing behind him, his hands in the pockets of his hoodie and he's tapping his feet on the sidewalk, "Do you, um…wanna come over for a bit?"

"What about your mom? Isn't she gonna be worried sick about her baby boy?"

Liam breathes out a laugh, "No, she's, um, working late again." Louis looks at Liam's driveway and there's no mom-van parked there. He looks back at Liam, who has this sickeningly adorable look on his face with his eyebrows furrowed and his eyes wide and brown and his lips curved slightly downward, and Louis throws his head back and sighs loudly at the sky, teeth chattering, "I suppose I can honor you with my presence."


	11. Chapter 11

11\. Liam

Halloween's next week, and Liam hasn't spoken Louis in a month, but it feels like even longer when he sees him standing outside of his house, waving at the Baileys' youngest daughter as they make their Annual Harvest Fest promotional rounds through the neighborhoods. It was a heartwarming moment to capture, but his mother nudges at his back to push him into the house, and he sighs heavily. He takes a chance and glances back and Louis to see that he's looking at them, and Liam's body fills with a rush he hasn't felt for a while and waves at Louis. It's a frantic wave, to the point of desperation, but Louis waves back at him slowly, smiling nervously.

He's done with fighting the feelings that he gets from thinking about Louis, and he's not entirely certain if he likes men for sure or not, but there is not the smallest bit of uncertainty when it comes to Louis. Though, it took some time being away from him to figure it out.

The last conversation Liam shared with Louis completely broke him, and the words _I know you like girls_ , kid played on repeat in his head the entire day and bleeds into the rest of the week, even during swim practice. He would walk home from school, his hair still a little wet from practice, and would live inside of his head, questioning.

_Do I like girls?_

The next week after the fallout, Mrs. Payne insists on rescheduling the date with Danielle, so he does, and his mother drops the both of them off at Texas Roadhouse. Liam uses this opportunity to test out the reoccurring question of his sexuality. Liam pays for the meal and helps Danielle to her chair before he sits down, trying to be a gentleman, but when the food comes, it's like she turns into this rabid animal, stuffing chunks of her oven roasted chicken into her mouth without the slightest intention of appearing to be man not beast in front of Liam. Liam tries to laugh at it, tries to make it into something cute, but when Danielle opens her mouth wide to laugh with him, Liam's face twists in disgust without his permission, and he excuses himself to retreat to the restroom. His phone vibrates and he looks at it and sees Louis' text about inviting him over to watch Glee, and he's confused because he doesn't really watch Glee, so he puts his phone back in his pocket. Liam hates texting, just as much as he hates calling people. He's more of an in-person type of guy, and he feels like there's too much he wants to say to Louis and he wouldn't be able convey half of it in 160 characters, or even a phone call. He just doesn't know when.

After dinner, Danielle and Liam sit on a bench outside of the restaurant, waiting for his mother to pick the both of them up, when Danielle whispers something in his ear, but it's incoherent because her hot breath throws off Liam's ability to think, and before he knows it, she's kissing him on the lips, twisting her face and making this noise that leads up to a "muah!" when she pulls back. Liam feels gross when he gets home, like he needs to sanitize his lips, and he does, brushing and gargling mouthwash continuously to get the taste of roasted chicken out of his mouth, and that's when he figures it out. It's not that he doesn't like all girls—he doesn't want to base the entire female gender on Danielle—but when he walks out of his bathroom and glances outside his window, he sees Louis curled in a tiny ball, blanketed in his black and red satin sheets, and he laughs to himself in disbelief of how precious he looks, and his eyes start to water a little, and feelings beyond measure tantalizes deeply within him, and he knows it, without a doubt. He feels it, something he'd been missing without even realizing it, and he doesn't ever want to let it go, no matter what.

And now she's in his house because of his mother, and all he wants to do is say hi to Louis, to talk to him about how he feels, but his mother breaks his gazing episode and greets Louis with something generic and Liam's disgusted by it, so he darts into the house, feeling forced to just grin and bear through Danielle.

A few days pass and Mrs. Payne urges Liam to see Danielle once again, and this time they go to a park after Sunday mass and he lets Danielle have at his mouth, but draws the line when she tries to stick her tongue in his mouth. She's rambling on again about something Tracy did, and continuously recommending her to do a confessional, when she stops and asks Liam to go to this Halloween party with her on Wednesday, but he explains to her that his mother doesn't let him celebrate Halloween, only the Annual Harvest Fest. However, Danielle has already derived a plan that involves Tracy and her boyfriend Jack, who's 25, and his car, but also involves lying to Mrs. Payne, saying that they're going to the Harvest Fest, and getting back just in time before midnight, and Liam doesn't know why he agrees, because it's Danielle, but he does anyway.

They get to the party as soon as the clock strikes eleven-fifty, after Danielle and Tracy argue for a half hour at the 7-Eleven all the way in Danvers over what alcohol to bring to the party when Jack ends the argument by buying both the Grey Goose and the Jameson, which makes Liam cringe. Liam feels completely out of place when he arrives—dressed in his favorite blue hoodie and typical blue skinny jeans—because he hadn't thought that a costume might have been customary when attending a Halloween party. Even the people he arrives with is dressed up, Danielle as a sexy sailor, Tracy as a sexy flight attendant and Jack as her pilot with a thick mustache. He doesn't know how these party things work, anyway. He tries to hide in the crowd, but Danielle's grip on his hand prevents him from leaving, and her irritatingly nasally voice bellows through the hallway when she cheers, holding up a half empty bottle of the Grey Goose that she still hasn't offered to Liam, which is okay. Liam decides that the only way he can hide with this crazy woman drawing so much attention is to cover his head with the hood, and when she sees him do it, Danielle turns to him, and in a drunken slur, asks over and over if he's alright.

When he doesn't answer, she grabs his head and starts to peck continuously at his lips with hers, and it hurts, like she's jabbing his face into a wall. He shakes his head free and turns around to get as far away as he can, because he doesn't want to be in a place that he doesn't like, kissing a girl he doesn't want. He sees an open elevator and decides to bolt for it, but before he could move, a man dressed as a shirtless Scottish guy stops him in his tracks.

"Liam?"

Louis' eyes are wide, like he's just seen a ghost, his chest gleamingly wet in the hallway light, and Liam says his name, and when nothing comes out, he grabs Louis' arm and drags him into the elevator just before it closes, and it's quiet in the elevator until Louis starts lecturing him and telling him it's a Wednesday, as if he didn't know. Liam's leaning up against the door when he looks down at his watch and informs Louis, "Well, it's a Thursday now." Louis' about to say something, but instead frowns at him with his head tilted to the side, and it's then when Liam actually gets a good look at Louis' costume, and how even when he's mad he's irresistible, and he starts laughing. Louis joins in, covering his mouth and Liam laughs even harder because it's all too much and adorable.

Louis agrees to take Liam home, but as they ride back in the taxicab, Liam can't help but revel in how beautiful Louis looks when they pass the streetlights, and how endearing he looks when he tries to look up at the night sky, but gives up when he realizes he can't see a thing. He looks over at Liam and smiles wearily as he crosses his legs and looks away, and Liam wonders what Louis' smooth, muscular thighs would feel like in his hands.  
It's almost one in the morning when they arrive at Louis' house, and he doesn't want to leave Louis yet, so he checks his driveway to make sure his mother isn't home and tentatively asks Louis if he wants to come over, and, with a little apprehension, and his teeth obnoxiously chattering, Louis agrees.

-

Liam feels rushed by Louis' shivering as he's unlocking his front door. He swings it open and lets Louis in first, who seems more than grateful when he hops into the house, rubbing his biceps and jittering all over. Liam shuts the door slowly, taking in the way Louis' back arches enough to see the ripples of his spine. He unzips his jacket and wraps it around Louis' small body, and Louis tilts his head, and Liam realizes that he's wearing his navy blue tank top for an undershirt since all the others were in the laundry. He guides Louis into the living room, where Louis kicks off his shoes and folds his legs underneath him when he sits on the small, white Victorian armchair. Liam turns on the lights of the chandelier and turns to Louis.

"I'll make you some tea," he tells him, walking backwards toward the kitchen. Louis nods at him, silent with a smile on his quivering mouth, and Liam shoots him a grin before turning around to jog into the kitchen.

It take a while, but Liam comes back from the kitchen with his favorite mug in one hand and a large grey mug in the other and he hands it to Louis, who's sprawled across the couch with his crossed legs dangling off the edge of the chair. Liam sits diagonal from Louis, intentionally not sitting on the couch near Louis' feet.

"I see you've made yourself comfortable," Liam jokes, and it feels weird that he has the ability to tease Louis, even after he intentionally avoids him for a month. Louis kicks his leg up and drinks some of his tea with ease and giggling. Liam simply looks down at his mug, watching as the steam from the tea disappears into the air, and he feels he should say something.

"So, like, what were you doing at that party, anyway?" Louis asks him, "I don't recall you being the party type, Li." His stomach flips because he doesn't realize how much he had missed Louis' nickname for him.

"Danielle invited me, so I went."

There's a little hostility in his voice when Liam asks, "She your girlfriend now, or…?"

"That's what my mother wants," Liam says in a light tone, looking back at his tea. Louis winces, thinking Liam doesn't catch it, but nods, "That's good. She's a nice girl, very, uh…well dressed." Liam watches as Louis sips loudly at his tea, avoiding eye contact and still nodding.

"That's not what I want, though," Liam admits, finally drinking his now lukewarm tea, "Not with Danielle, at least." He shivers even though he's not cold at all, and Louis bites his lip. "Oh, okay." 

He downs his tea and swings his legs around to get up. His trusty side pouch proves to be untrustworthy when and tumbles to the floor, spilling out all of his contents. Liam jumps up to pick them up, even though Louis insists that he has it, but his hands are obviously full. Liam quickly tucks Louis' stuff back into the pouch, but stops when he sees a short, thing white papery stick that looks like a cigarette on the carpet.

"What's this?"

Louis gasps and leaps forward to grab the stick from in between Liam's fingers, but Liam retracts by stepping back, amused but confused.

"Liam, give me that."

"Not until you tell me what it is," Liam laughs, and he takes a closer look at the small stick, and Louis starts smiling at his genuine curiosity. "It's a joint, Liam."

Liam tilts his head, his brow furrowed, because he doesn't know what a "joint" is, and Louis covers his mouth, trying to contain his laugh, "You know: weed, marijuana, reefer? Jesus, Liam! Were you really _that_ sheltered?"

Liam shrugs innocently and feels bad, because he just might be that sheltered. "Here, give it to me," Louis says, snatching away the joint and his pouch. He's trying to reattach the pouch to his belt as Liam inquires, "What does it do to you?"

Louis glances up from his belt, "It makes you feel funny, and weird. Basically, it gets you high." Liam feels like he's learning a new language when he repeats, "High?" Louis stops his efforts of fixing his costume and sees that Liam is serious, says, "My god, Liam," and goes back to what he's doing.

Liam's curiosity gets the best of him and he pauses before he asks, "Can I…try it?" Louis gives up on the belt and folds his arms right below his chest and shifts in his stance, "You're kidding me, right?" Liam fidgets, shrugging in his snug tank top, "I just want to try it once."

"The last time we had this conversation, it didn't go very well," Louis tells him, and the memory of feeling his lips against Louis' floods his mind as quickly as a flash flood, which serves as a partial counterargument to how things turned out that night. "I know," he says, "but it's different. I'm sure that, um, 'weeds' doesn't do the same thing as whiskey." Louis snickers, "Um, first of all, it's 'weed,' not 'weeds,' and second, I don't think I trust you with it."

"Come on," Liam says, and he feels like the bad influence when he says, "It's Halloween. Scarier things have happened. Unless, you know, you're too scared." Louis looks at him like he's crazy, but smiles mischievously, "Alright then, Payne. Challenge accepted. You wanna smoke some pot? Let's smoke some pot."


	12. Chapter 12

12\. Louis

Liam swears it'd be okay if they smoke the joint in his backyard, but Louis isn't all that excited about being outside in the cold again, so they relocate to Louis' house, and he's beaming down his stairs with a lighter in his hands, and quickly despises his laziness to change out of his costume or slip on underwear when wind starts blowing up his kilt. He holds it down until he reaches the bottom of the stairs and sees Liam switching his seat from the armchair to the couch.

"Are you sure you're ready to do this?" He takes a seat next to Liam, who takes off his jacket again to torture Louis with his fucking flawless body in that fucking tank top. He's a little worried about how all this will turn out, but Louis usually has a great hold on his self-control while he's high. Really, Louis' worry strings from how this newbie will behave. It was Liam who kissed him and got hard in the first place, and Louis will fight to deny that there's a little devil in his ear coaxing him to ravish the young man.  
Liam responds with a simple, "Yep," and it's cute when he scoots back in his seat to watch Louis. "Alright," Louis tells him, "but don't freak out, okay?" Liam nods, intently watching and waiting for his next move. With a tiny shrug, Louis tucks his legs underneath and sits a little closer to Liam after grabbing the joint from the broken pouch on the coffee table. He feels a little insecure with the newbie watching him place the end of the joint between his lips and light the joint. He inhales deeply, tweaking the joint in his fingers and watches the tip light up, and he exhales a cloud of smoke toward the ceiling. He looks back at Liam, who's watching the smoke disappear, his eyes inquisitive, yet there's a hint of delight. Louis giggles when he passes the joint to Liam and he just stares at it. "Here you go," Louis' voice is soft. Liam takes it between his fingers and presses it to his lips, occasionally looking at Louis for some sort of reassurance, and Louis just nods each time. Louis watches as Liam's chest expands, filling his lungs with the marijuana that Louis gave him, and he feels a bit guilty, like he's corrupting the boy, but his thought process breaks when Liam starts to cough, his eyes squinting and small puffs of smoke leaving his mouth each time he coughs. Louis reaches over and pats his lower back, and exclaims, "Hands up!" As expected, Liam's confused, so Louis raises his hands high above his head and repeats himself, and Liam mirrors him, the joint still in one hand. Liam looks up at the joint as his coughing dies down, and Louis sneaks a glance at the way the muscles in his ribcage appear to connect to the muscles in his large arms, and he follows them all the way up to his large veiny hands and he can't help but feel miniature. Liam's voice is hoarse when he asks, "Is it okay if I put my hands down now? They're getting kinda tired." Louis clicks back, "Oh, yeah, sure," and Liam hands the joint back to Louis.

-

Louis walks into the bathroom after the joint's done and flushes it down the toilet, watching as the water circles and circles and circles, and suddenly he's thirsty. He strolls into the kitchen after checking on Liam, who's sitting with his back straight and looking at his hands with such intensity. Louis grabs two bottles of water before contemplating on grabbing two more, which he does, and he walks back into the living room. Liam looks up from his hands and swallows, his eyes a bit red and he looks sleepy, but Louis can tell that he's not even close to sleepy when he jumps up with glee when he sees the water bottles.

"That's a LOT of water," he says, and he sounds like a six year old who'd just seen dinosaur bones in a museum for the first time. Louis tosses them onto the couch and sits, mirroring his excitement almost to humor him, "I KNOW, right?" Liam's hands are a little too big for the bottle cap, so Louis opens the bottle in his own hand and gives it to Liam. Liam looks at the bottle at first, examining it with anticipation of something extraordinary, and then it hits him that the bottle of water is for him, and he gasps a little, "For me? Oh, thank you _so_ much, Louis." He takes the bottle and starts to chug it, and Louis watches in awe as water seeps out of Liam's mouth and drips down his chin, traveling down his pulsing neck and bobbing Adam's apple and disappearing into the top of his shirt. Louis feels hot all of a sudden and takes off his sash and beret and sets them down on the table. He's glad to see that Liam's finished his water when he looks back at him, but Liam's so fucking sexy with his open wet mouth and shirt that's even wetter. He sees Liam eyeing his chest, panting a little, but turns the attention onto Liam's wet shirt, "Liam! What happened to your shirt?"

Liam looks down at himself and sees his wet shirt, and Louis wonders how he couldn't feel the water dripping down in the first place, but Liam says, "What, I just…love water." He smiles, his eyes disappearing as he grins, and Louis laughs at him, but gets up, "Come on, you can use one of my shirts, then." Liam stands up slowly and looks like he's about to topple over, "Are you sure I can fit them?" Louis' about to take offense to Liam's apparent jab at his weight, but then he realizes that he didn't call him fat, and says, "Yes."

Liam follows behind Louis up the stairs, and Liam climbs each step with heavy footsteps, as he whines, "So many stairs…" and Louis just laughs at him. Louis likes this side to Liam, he thinks. It's like the weed turns Liam into a child and it's funny and cute. It's only when they reach the bedroom and Liam pulls off the wet tank top and reveals his wet, muscular body that Louis doesn't like this innocent, child-like side of Liam, and he feels slightly guilty when his dick starts twitching. Liam carelessly tosses his shirt to the floor and reaches out one hand, opening and closing it in a _gimmie_ kinda way, and Louis hates himself for actually giving him the damn shirt. He's wrong about Liam being able to fit his shirts, because the shirt is skintight and ends just below his bellybutton, and Louis feels like he's gonna scream. Liam smiles at the cow's face on the shirt before turning to leave the room, but he pauses and lazily drag his feet to Louis' window to open the drapes and window.

"What are you doing?" Louis' laughing at him again, walking over to where Liam's attempting to sit on the windowsill but gives up and leans against the wall. A cold breeze rushes into the room, and Louis folds his arms across his body. Liam points out of the window, exclaiming, "That's my room!" Louis takes a look and sees Liam's blue curtains in his window and smiles reassuringly, "Yes it is, Liam."

"It has a really nice view, too," he says, almost to himself as he watches his curtains dance and brush against his window. Louis stops looking at Liam's window and look at Liam instead, and he looks oddly peaceful as he continues, "And…and there's my lamp, if you can see it. God, I love that thing." Louis has an urge to question him, but he just lets him continue, "And my pool's over there, and it's big, and I really wanna swim, but it's too cold and mother probably wouldn't let us." Liam truly looks precious, and Louis thinks it's about that time when Liam starts to forget where he is when he says, "I wish Louis were here to see this." Louis giggles and places a hand on Liam's shoulder, and Liam jumps and turns around, his face lighting up, "Louis! I was just thinking about you." He pulls Louis closer to the window a little too hard and points toward the pool in his backyard, "Have you seen my pool?"

"Yes, Liam," Louis tells him, and they're both not looking at the pool, but at each other instead. Liam stutters, smiling, "W-w-we should go swimming some time. I'm sure mother would let you come over. She never trusted anybody else with me, not even my friends at school, but she likes you. I think."

"Does she really? I always thought she didn't like me or something."  
"Oh, she does," Liam's excitement turns his body away from the view of the pool and he's facing Louis head-on, "she told me." Liam pauses, frowning and looking at the ground as if he's searching for his lost thoughts, "I-I think." Louis' having too much fun with a very high Liam, he starts chuckling and closes his eyes. His laugh slowly grows, and soon he's covering his mouth and has his other arm wrapped around his ribcage.

"You're so beautiful, Louis."

Everything freezes, and Louis opens his eyes.

Liam has this fascinated look on his face, like he truly means what he said, and Louis can't do anything but bite his lip. Liam reaches out to touch Louis' cheek, and Louis closes his eyes. Liam's fingers feel soft against his face, and it sends a whirlwind of static electricity throughout his body when he hears Liam's deepened voice whisper. 

"So beautiful."

Louis' brow furrows, his eyes still closed, and he faintly hears Liam shuffling to his feet to curl his large hand around the back of Louis' neck, and Louis can't believe it when he feels lips pressed against the corner of his mouth. Louis doesn't want to see it, too afraid to know that this is real, that this is happening, but Liam's dabbing sweet kisses over the landscape of Louis' mouth.

"It's so unfair," he hears Liam mumble, still very close to Louis' face, "it's so unfair how beautiful you are, Louis."

Louis finally gathers the strength to open his eyes, and he feels weak when he meets Liam's soft gaze. He hates Liam so much for putting him in a position like this.

Louis wants Liam so much that it hurts, but he cares too much to take advantage of the straight boy for the third time while he's under the influence of something. It's just so fucking hard when Liam's the one initiating this and calling him _beautiful_ of all things, and Louis feels like he's about to fucking cry in front of this kid, so he shakes his head. 

"You should get some rest," Louis tells him, his voice breathy and unsteady as he looks everywhere other than Liam's eyes. "You have school tomorrow, kid."

It literally hurts all over, and he can still feel the ghost of Liam's touch on the back of his neck when he lets go. Louis looks at the ground, waiting for Liam to say _something_ , and he does after what seems like forever. "You're right," he sounds sad, and Louis feels like he's about to collapse, "I should, um…get going, then."

But he's still standing there, staring at him with his fucking sad eyes, and Louis wants to yell at him for not moving. Louis doesn't want to have to fucking deal with this bullshit, but his feelings of regretting even allowing Liam into his life in the first place start to fade when Liam stumbles toward the bedroom door, and Louis realizes how much he doesn't want him to leave.

"You can sleep here, if you want," he finds himself blurting out, and it sounds like he's pleading, even to him, so he justifies it with an unsure smile, "Those stairs can be a hassle to walk down when you're stoned." Liam turns around, and he still looks so fucking sad that Louis has to look away.

"Okay." Liam's voice is small and quiet.

He doesn't hesitate to walk over to Louis' bed, and it's cute the way he plops down on his back, but rolls to the right and onto his stomach. His eyes are already closed when Louis approaches the bed. Louis lies on his back, staring up at the ceiling and laying at the very edge of the bed, as far away as possible from Liam's gorgeous body. He glances over at Liam, and he sees that the shirt he's wearing is rucking up even more in the back, reveling Liam's toned lower back, dimples disappearing into his white briefs. Louis feels his dick pulse under his kilt, and he rolls his eyes at the fact that he's still in his fucking costume. He's nearly tenting in the kilt, and when he looks up he sees Liam's eyes staring into his with this dark, intent gaze. It's so raw, yet Liam's frowning. Louis recognizes this look, because he's seen the same look in Harry's eyes when he's about to utterly wreck his body for teasing him. It entices Louis so much, and it frightens him, because his fucking hard-on just keeps getting harder and harder and there's nothing he can do about it but turn over onto his side to hide it. He hears Liam exhale loudly through his nose, and Louis swears he hears a moan before Liam says, "Goodnight, Louis."


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd like to take a moment to thank all the readers for all of their support and feedback. Y'all da bomb! :D
> 
> Enjoy.

13\. Liam

It feels strange when Liam wakes up in a bed he can actually stretch in without worrying about accidentally knocking over his favorite lamp. He feels completely out of sorts, dazed and extremely sleepy, and Liam's fingers accidentally graze Louis' bare back when he stretches, and he realizes that he's still next door at Louis' house. Louis' still in deep sleep, and Liam looks at his watch to see it's almost seven in the morning and that he's definitely going to be late for school. He gets up slowly out of bed and rushes toward the bedroom door, and he doesn't mean to stop momentarily to watch how Louis curls up into a ball whenever he sleeps and how beautiful he looks, but he does anyway before he walks silently out of the room and out of Louis' house, careful not to wake the sleeping beauty.

Liam doesn't remember much from last night, only that it was Halloween and Louis rescued him from Danielle at some party, and that they smoked marijuana on Louis' couch. The rest is really a blur, but he does remember being upset about something. He's about to get in the shower when he looks at his messy, disheveled reflection in the mirror and sees he's wearing some shirt with a cow's face on it, and then he remembers that Louis let him borrow it for some reason, and then he remembers talking about his pool, and then it hits him.

He kissed Louis _again_ , and not only did he kiss him, but he called him beautiful. Liam flushes at the thought, and he feels like such an idiot for losing control and bombarding Louis with his feelings about him, especially when he was so incoherent that even his hands were fascinating at some point. But what's even worse is that he remembers after he kissed him, Louis shrugs it off, telling him that he needs to go to sleep or something, and Liam can't help but feel the utmost rejection, and he's stupid for falling for Louis when he's not even supposed to like guys. 

The whole ordeal upsets him deeply, and he tugs off the stupid cow shirt and throws it on the bathroom floor, fighting the urge to cry. He's so angry at himself, and Louis, and Danielle, and his mother, and his father, and school and the swim team and God, and he just wants to hit something or someone, anything. His vision blurs from the tears gathering in his eyes and he starts to cry, his face scrunched up and his eyes shut tight, and he can't believe he's actually crying, and he doesn't want to feel this. He doesn't want to feel any of it. His body feels weak, and he's tired, and he wants to sleep, but all he can do is lean against the bathroom counter and cry, his tears falling down his face and into the sink. He doesn't want to feel any of it.

-

Mrs. Payne continues her advocacy for Liam and Danielle's relationship, knowing nothing about what happened on Halloween night. She sets up another date, and Danielle interrogates Liam about where he disappeared to at the party as they approach the ice cream shop, and he lies and says he had really important stuff to attend to. He starts going on regular dates with Danielle, and it feels like it's actually going well at times, but then she starts to complain about Tracy's new best friend Gloria, and Liam tunes it out and wonders what Louis must be doing.

Liam's back at square one with Louis, avoiding him as much as he did before Halloween night, only to a graver extent. Liam doesn't even look at the texts he gets from Louis and just deletes them as they come, and he even goes to the degree of walking on the opposite side of the road when he comes home from school to avoid any sort of audible or visual contact with Mr. Tomlinson, and when his mother occasionally brings him up in conversations, Liam changes the subject or, if that doesn't work, makes an excuse that he has to finish his homework or has to use the restroom. Liam's drastic methods of severing ties between him and Louis are not out of spite, and they can never be out of spite. Liam's just determined to end his feelings for Louis and go back to being the normal: the devoutly Catholic straight boy he used to be before all of this.

His plan on quitting Louis cold turkey doesn't really work on his brain, however, because no matter what he does, it always finds its way back to Louis. When he watches a new movie with Danielle, he thinks about how Louis utterly despises bad acting, and when he and Danielle go out to a frozen yogurt place one night, he sees gummy bears and remembers Louis' lips and how it tasted like gummy bears and alcohol the first time they kissed, and he's standing there, staring at the gummy bears, vanished from reality and lost in his mind, when Danielle nudges him to move along because he's holding up the line.

-

It's Thanksgiving and Liam is successful at evading Louis, and he feels like things are slowly returning to how they used to be. Liam's helping his mother in the kitchen, careful not to interfere with the actual cooking of the Thanksgiving dinner because that's not his job. Liam's job is to set the table for his Aunt Renee and Uncle Frank, who will be joining him and his mother as they usually do on this holiday. Liam's mother seems more excited than usual, though, and Liam thinks his aunt must be bringing some sort of special dish with her this year when the doorbell rings.

Liam finishes setting the plates down in the dining room before he jogs to the front door, and he opens it with a grin, expecting to greet his relatives, but it strikes him with grief to find Danielle at his doorstep instead, wearing this pastel pink cocktail dress that's frilly at the bottom and white pumps with her hair straightened, and it's all a little too fancy for a casual Thanksgiving dinner, but it doesn't stop her from shrieking and pulling Liam into a hug, pointing at her new lime green Volkswagen bug and telling him about how she's got her license now, and he hears his mother greet Danielle behind him, and he hates everything. Mrs. Payne beckons them in and Danielle follows, and as Liam's turning around to go inside, he sees Louis glaring at him, his arms folded with an indignant look on his face. Liam quickly looks away and rushes into the house to shut the door.

His aunt and uncle arrive shortly after the table is set and dinner is ready, and with short greetings at the door, Liam leads his Aunt Renee and Uncle Frank into the living room and introduces Danielle as his "friend," and his mother clears her throat, but Liam ignores it and leaves them, with the excuse that he has to use the restroom.

Liam's mother sits at the head of the table, next to her sister Renee and Liam. Uncle Frank's next to his wife and Danielle sits a little too close to Liam, but he doesn't say anything. Food crowds the dinner table, from macaroni & cheese to green bean casserole, and it all surrounds the huge Butterball turkey on a shiny silver platter. Aunt Renee really does bring a new dish—éclairs—but Liam knows that the dessert wasn't why his mother was excited. As they eat, Liam's mother revels on about her son's good grades and how well he's doing on the swim team, and his aunt praises him for it with a genuine, heartwarming smile, and his uncle, a quiet man with a thin pencil mustache, simply nods in admiration. Liam feels guilty for his mother's boasting, though, because Liam's only cousin is a high school dropout who's in jail for theft on multiple occasions, and he feels bad for being the living reminder of their "terrible parenting," according to his mother. It never occurs to Liam how something terrible could be the result of two of the most peaceful and friendly people he knows, but Liam concludes that it's none of his business.

Danielle butts into the boasting session and talks about how handsome he is and what a gentleman he is, and Liam feels kinda nice about it until she starts touching his hand on the table. Mrs. Payne shrills with delight in her seat, and Liam strains a smile on his face, but his aunt returns his feigned smile with a concerned look, so he darts his eyes down at his plate and lets his other hand rest lifelessly under Danielle's touch. Danielle continues, talking about herself and almost replaying the stories she bores Liam with, every word emphasized the same and every sentence ending with the same nasally rise in her pitch. Liam peeks up from his plate and sees his mother intently listening while his uncle's quietly chewing bits of his food and his aunt looking as if she's trying to be interested in Danielle's little story, but she seems more worried about why Liam's looking the way he's looking, and Liam feels cornered. He hates himself for slightly revealing a hole in this act he's pulling, and his lifeless hand resurrects with a twitch, and it knocks over the glass of scarlet punch, sending it flying and landing all over Danielle's dress.

She stands quickly from her chair and screams, and it brings the entire table to life as Liam's mother runs into the kitchen to get some paper towels and his aunt and uncle stand and watch, surprised. Danielle says something Liam couldn't really hear as he gets up to help and apologize, but she ends up calling him a fucking idiot for ruining her new, expensive dress, which doesn't really effect Liam as it's intended to. Aunt Renee seems takes offense to it, however, and reprimands Danielle, telling her in the most calm and peaceful way that she will not have that kind of talk about her nephew in her presence, and soon Danielle's stomping out of the front door, and Liam's aunt and uncle look at each other before they look at Liam, who apparently looks like he's just seen something spectacular. They start laughing, and Liam starts to laugh along with them until Mrs. Payne rushes in, asking for Danielle.

-

Liam's mother isn't very happy with him the next day after his aunt and uncle leave for Maine, and she graces him with the news that Danielle will be picking him up soon so they can talk about last night. Liam feels this is her way of punishing him for embarrassing her in front of her younger sister, and it isn't fair, but Liam agrees as he's clenching his jaw.

Danielle picks him up around four and it's really cold outside, so Liam wears his Saint John's sweater. He gets in the car and Danielle's wearing this purple blouse and a grey pencil skirt, and Liam's positive that she's going through some lame classy attire phase, but she starts driving without saying a word.

They drive for a while in silence, and Liam's not really sure why she's driving to the Army Reserve because that's not the ideal dating place, but she does, and she parks in the most secluded place she can find before unbuckling her seatbelt to turn and face him. Liam sits still, palms flat and frozen on his thighs, and he's afraid that she's trying to do what he thinks she's trying to do, so he asks what she's doing with a shaky stutter, and she doesn't answer. Instead, she leaps over the seat and onto Liam's lap, kissing him lewdly with her tongue drenching his lips, and he sits through it, trying to find something about making out with a woman arousing and hot because he has to. But her hand slithers down his chest and gropes his crotch, and he's never felt so violated in his life, and before he can process anything else, he's hauling her off his lap and back into the driver's seat. He's scared out of his mind, and Danielle's judging him with her smoldering scowl and wild hair, and in the midst of Danielle opening her mouth to ask him what the fuck is going on, he shuts his eyes and blurts out the first thing that comes to mind.

"I'm gay."

He doesn't want to open his eyes, doesn't want to see how real it is, how it's not a dream and how he's going to pinch himself and still be in this world, in this situation. He's trembling, and he doesn't get the chance to open his eyes before he hears Danielle's voice pierce in his eardrum, but in a low, unrecognizable tone.

"Get the fuck out my car, faggot."

The word makes Liam feels nauseous, and immediately after she finishes, Danielle's slapping repeatedly at Liam's shoulder, urging him out of her car, screaming "faggot" over and over and over and over again. Liam manages to get out of the car, but trips and stumbles onto the gravel on his knee when Danielle kicks him in the side with her black heels, and Danielle's starts her car and speeds off before Liam gets the chance to get up and close the door.

Liam lies on the floor, holding his knee and crying, falling apart on the dirty road in his Saint John's sweater. He can't breathe, and he tries to stand when the word "faggot" echoes constantly in his ears, and he feels nauseous again. He's heaving as he staggers to the grassy area in this secluded location and bends over, puking, and crying simultaneously. He wipes his mouth with a sleeve of his sweater, forgetting that it'll stain and regretting it immediately. He stands upright, dazed, and extremely tired, and the sunset catches his eye. The clouds ripple across the blue sky, the sun casting a reddish hue on them and strands of pink on the ends, and a somber, numb feeling washes over him, and he walks home alone.


	14. Chapter 14

14\. Liam

It's starts to irritate Liam when his mother beings to pester at him about why he hasn't been hanging out with Danielle, and it irritates him more when she asks what's gotten into him when he says he doesn't want to go to church one Sunday. He lies and says he needs a lot of time to work on this project that's due before Christmas break next week, and to his surprise she believes him, though she seems skeptical when she's eyeing him on her way out the door. Liam's done nothing but wallow in his self-pity and guilt ever since the day he finally came to terms with his sexuality, and it reflects in the way his steps are heavy and his head hangs low as he walks up the stairs to his room.

He assumes that Louis has given up on him, because he no longer gets texts from him, and it should makes him feel better, but he feels even more alone than he already does. He sleeps most of the day on weekends and goes straight up to his room when he comes home from school, and one day, after his swim coach pulls him aside and lectures him about determination and threatens to strip him of his position on the swim team, Liam doesn't come down for dinner, telling his mother that he's not hungry and too tired from practice. Instead, he's lying on his small bed, watching the shadows of blue whales and dolphins and starfish drift on the walls of his room, and he feels calm, and safe.

The lamp had been a gift from his father on his third birthday, and Liam cherished it ever since. He and his father would sit on Liam's bed, which was quite big for him at that age, and make up stories about each animal and what its favorite foods are and if it likes cartoons as much as Liam did. Liam spent hours cradled in his father's lap sucking on his thumb and watching the animals swim in his room, wishing he could turn into a fish or dolphin or whale and live in the ocean, in the water somehow, and he'd fall asleep in his father's arms and feel his lips press on the top of his head.

Mr. Payne took note of Liam's love of water and spent a significant amount of time and money into building a large pool in their backyard, and when his father uncovered his eyes to reveal the new pool, Liam stood there for a moment before he started to cry, and when his parents asked him what was wrong, he said he was so happy and it was so pretty that he didn't know what else to do but cry.

Every day, Liam would come home from daycare and harass his parents until he was able to strip off his clothes and get into his bathing suit and little arm floaties and make a huge splash in the pool, and Liam's mother started to worry about the idea of her only son drowning, so she signed him up for swimming lessons just to be safe. Liam's father was a great swimmer and helped Liam learn from time to time, and would float on his back with his son trying to mimic him, smiling at his dad with the deepest admiration. Mr. Payne was everything that three-year-old Liam wanted to be when he grew up: He was nice, he was cool, and he could swim faster than him.

One summer evening, after being dropped off by Mrs. Henry from his daycare, Liam rushes to the kitchen with a picture he drew of him and his father swimming in the ocean with a whale and dolphin, excited to show his father the gift he made him. He figured that his dad gave him a pool, so the least he could do was draw him a picture. His mother was standing in the kitchen with his aunt and uncle, and his mother was hysterically crying, and his aunt was rubbing her back and soothing her and Liam stops in the doorway, curious and afraid. His aunt excuses herself before she rushes up to Liam, crouching to level with him. She looks as if she had been crying, too, but she asks him what he has in his hand, and his grin is big as he says he drew a picture of him and his daddy in his favorite place, and he can't wait for him to see it. Aunt Renee swallows and reaches out to stroke Liam's face, and she tells him that his father moved away but is in a better place now, and that he's very happy, and that he loves Liam with all his heart. The idea excites little Liam, and he asks if he can go there, too, and his aunt shakes her head and smiles at him as she tells him that he can't because he's too young, and that his father's watching over him in the sky. Liam's confused, and tilts his head as he asks if his father can see him from the pool outside, and his aunt nods, a tear rolling down her cheek. Liam jumps in excitement as he dashes to the backyard and looks up at the sky, holding up the picture he drew for his father and showing it him, smiling, his heart filling with wonder when he sees the swirl of colors from red to yellow to purple and blue painted across the sky.

His mother lets him swim in the pool for a while until it gets dark, and Liam protests when his mother beckons him, saying that it's fine and that she can go inside because his daddy's watching over him in the sky. Liam eventually gets sleepy and goes inside, waving goodbye to the night sky. His mother tucked him in, kissing him on the forehead and stroking his cheek, a sullen look on her face as she tells him she loves him, and before she leaves, Liam requests that she turn on his lamp, because he can't reach it, and she smiles at him and turns it on, and they both watch as transforms his room into an ocean.

And now Liam's lying in his bed as the memory of his father floods his mind, watching his room turn into the sea, and he feels a lump in his throat, and he wishes it away because he simply can't cry anymore, too tired and numb to feel the pain. He yearns for his father's embrace, and uses his pillow as an unfulfilling replacement as he closes his eyes and drifts to sleep.

-

It's near Christmas and Liam tells his mother that he's too ill to make it to Sunday mass, and it's true, because he can barely make it out of his bed to use the bathroom, so his mother brings up his favorite mug filled with hot tea, kissing his hot forehead before she tentatively leaves for church. Liam takes a sip of his tea and sets it on the nightstand before he drifts back to sleep, only to wake up hours later when his mother barges into his room, her face stern, and her eyes blazing with anger. She stands in the middle of the room with her fists in a ball, and her voice is soft but intense as she asks him what exactly happened with him and Danielle, and Liam sits up weakly, his feet hanging off the edge of the bed as he looks silently at the ground. She asks him again, taking a step forward, and Liam feels threatened, and tells her nothing happened and that they just stopped talking is all. Mrs. Payne pauses, her black heels planted in the carpet, and she asks slowly.

"Liam, are you…are you a homosexual?"

His eyes shoot up to meet hers, and he's never been so scared in his life. His mind goes blank as he's trying to figure out a way to respond, but he asks why she's even asking him such a question in the first place, and she's on the brink of reaching her boiling point when she demands him to give her an answer. Liam's so tired and weak, and he feels like he's going to faint when he rises to his feet, hesitant, but he gives her the answer she's so very apt on getting.

"Yes."

Mrs. Payne loses her composure, stepping forward with a "What?" and stares at him in disbelief. He repeats himself, more confident than before, and she looks at him in horror, her eyes filling up with tears. She starts yelling about the consequences of homosexuality, telling him that people burn in hell for being gay. It angers Liam, and with the little strength that he has, starts yelling, loud, and hoarse from his sore throat, explaining to her that he doesn't care, and Mrs. Payne's body goes still. She denies it, telling him that he's just a child who's lost his way and needs to pray to God for forgiveness. And Liam's fills with rage, too furious to think before he speaks.

"I don't believe in God anymore."

It sounds wrong even to him, like he's not even Liam anymore, but he doesn't have time to think before Mrs. Payne murmurs a "Get out," before she leaps forward to backhand him across the face, but he dodges it, falling back onto his bed with his eyes closed, and he hears glass break. "Oh, my God," he hears his mother's voice shake, and when he opens his eyes, he sees his mother looking to the floor, where the small blue lamp lies broken on the carpet.

"No," he whispers, slipping off of his bed and onto the floor and kneels before the lamp, "No." He doesn't even want to touch it, doesn't want to know that the last physical memory he has of his dad is now shattered into pieces on his bedroom floor, and when he picks it up, hoping there would still be a chance to put it back together and fix it, the lamp crumbles, falling apart in his hands. He stares at it, and words cannot describe the feeling that's building up inside his chest, and he wails at his hands, squeezing them into shaking fists when the glass falls to the floor.

His mother's voice is soft as she's apologizing, and she reaches down to hold Liam, but he hops to his feet, fueled by something he's never felt before, and runs out of his room before she can touch him. She calls after him as he reaches the stairs, and he nearly tumbles down, his body feeling faint, but he reaches the bottom of the stairs and flees through the front door, the deep December snow freezing against his feet, but he doesn't care. He just runs and runs, and it's hard because the snow is holding him back. He runs across the yard, in search of something, anything, his wet tears unbelievably icy against his face. Everything starts spinning and he's barely halfway across the yard, and just as he passes the black Range Rover in his neighbor's driveway, he stumbles on all fours, his head hanging low, and his vision blurs.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, so like, I probably won't update in a while, partially because I'm kinda busy with stuff, but mainly because I'm on strike until the author "30shayds" updates his or her freakin amazing fic! Check it out, though. It's really good.
> 
> But, yeah, other than that, enjoy! :)

15\. Louis

Louis watches from the hotel window as the fog creeps in over the ocean water. The fog engulfs the boats and the water until it wraps around the building and the world is just a heavy mist, and Louis folds his arms as he watches in a trance. It's as if the Salem Waterfront Hotel is submerged in the air, high in the clouds, and Louis wonders what it would be like to live high up in the air, closer to the stars.

It's early in the morning, and Louis feels sore and tired, but he can't sleep, especially when the Pakistani guy from the Halloween party is ridiculously taking up most of the space on a fucking Queen-sized bed. Louis feels dirty for sleeping with him, and wants to punch Harry in the face for setting up the "date" with Zayn that really was just a fucking hook-up, but he can't be too mad at Harry for trying to distract him from Liam.

It feels like hell all over again when Liam starts to avoid him after Halloween, and Louis feels a bit bitter about it. It wasn't like Louis actually did anything to make Liam kiss him like he did, and he was simply trying to be the better person when he suggests Liam should go to sleep. So why wasn't Liam answering his texts? And why is Liam walking on the completely other side of the street when he passes Louis' house? But after a few weeks, Louis makes the effort to talk to Mrs. Payne to ask casually about Liam, and she says he's fine and he's been busy with school and swim and Danielle. Louis bites his tongue as he forces a smile, congratulating them.

That same day, Louis awkwardly calls Harry and finds out that the guy he had swiped the joint from is actually the good friend of Harry's that threw that Halloween party, but it's Harry who invites the majority of the people, and Harry brings him along in his brand new fucking Audi that he casually bought recently when he comes to see Louis. Zayn smiles that arrogant smile when he follows Harry into the front door, but it doesn't seem to annoy Louis because he doesn't have costume makeup on anymore and his face is all scruffy and his hair is a bit longer and dear God he's attractive. Harry tells them that he has important business to take care of in Cambridge and doesn't want to leave Zayn by his lonesome, and he shoots Louis a look, because he knows Louis finds him attractive and Louis knows what he's playing at.

Louis and Zayn hang around his house for a bit, and Louis learns that Zayn's from some place in England called Bradford and that he's out in the States to see what it's about, and Louis just nods, fascinated with the resonance of his voice and the way his jaw moves as he speaks. Louis honestly couldn't give a shit about where the fuck this guy is from or what he does or what the stupid "Zap" tattoo on his forearm means, because all he wants to do is sit on this guy's face and get it over with. It isn't until Louis drives Zayn back home to the same hotel the party took place that Zayn gives him this look and asks if he has time to come up to the suite with him and Louis has nothing to lose, so he goes. Everything starts off right until Zayn starts to become a little too rough, and starts calling him lewd names and it feels degrading, like Louis is a piece of meat that this skinny guy's tossing around and slaps him across the face whenever he reaches to touch himself. And when Zayn comes, he shoots on Louis' face unexpectedly, and it gets in Louis' eye, and Zayn just laughs, falling asleep and leaving Louis unsatisfied and wondering if he has any of his dignity left. The whole thing reminds him of Los Angeles and the photographer and his friends who took advantage of him while he's scrubbing his face and hair and body in the shower, and he decides to sit in the chair near the window and watch as the clouds descend over Salem Sound.

-

He doesn't hear from Zayn after the incident, thank goodness, and he tells Harry about how much of a jerk Zayn is when Harry comes unannounced to his house a couple of days before Thanksgiving. Harry gets furious and says he'll take care of it, and Louis feels so relieved that he lets Harry touch him and kiss him, and it feel so nice because he hadn't slept with Harry in a while and he's reminded of how gentle he is, and everything feels a little better.

He's happy to see Harry when he arrives on Thanksgiving Day, wearing a baby blue dress shirt that buttons up halfway and tucks into tight dark blue skinny jeans that hang slow on his waist, and Louis thinks he looks fucking irresistible, and he knows that it's written in blood that they're bound to do it tonight. But the low necklace with the cross resting on his tattooed chest throws him off a little when he comes closer, and Louis can't help but cringe a little. Harry swoops past him in the doorway with a harsh smack on the butt and Louis jumps, giggling and calling him an ass wipe. Suddenly he hears a loud shriek coming from the Payne house, and when he looks over, he sees Danielle's arms wrapped around Liam's neck, hugging him closely, and his breath hitches as he frowns. His expression doesn't change when Liam glances over and sees that he's watching, but Liam looks spooked before he leaps past the threshold of his front door and shuts it behind him. Louis stands there for a moment, taking in what he had just seen.

Louis' confused about a lot of things in life; he doesn't understand what the big deal is about nipple piercing or how a human being has the capability not to like Dr. Pepper. One thing that seems to be the reoccurring source of Louis' splitting headaches and sleepless nights is that if he's so sure that Liam is as straight as he thinks he is, then why is it that each time he's intoxicated, he seems to be so very compelled to fuck with Louis' emotions and kiss him and calls him "beautiful?" It's a completely shitty move, Louis thinks, and if Liam's going through some stupid identity crisis where he's confused about what he wants, Louis' not going to stand for playing the role of the independent variable in Liam's little experimental quest to find his sexuality. Louis is tired of people using him for their obscene pleasures—he left Los Angeles for that exact reason—and he's not going to let some kid ruin the new life he's trying to start. He comes to the conclusion that he gives up on Liam just as Harry pulls him into the house and closes the door.

-

Harry comes around more often than usual as Christmas is approaching, spending more and more time with Louis and Louis likes seeing his best friend almost every day, and even if he cracks lame jokes and makes weird noises while they're watching TV, Louis likes the company. Harry sleeps over one night because he's too drunk to move from his spot on the couch, but apparently drunk enough to stomp loudly up the flight of stairs to Louis' room and climb into bed with him, complaining about the lack of heat, and Louis teases Harry and calls him a wimp as Harry's slithering an arm around his waist from behind and they drift off to sleep.

Louis' making breakfast the next morning when Harry flops down the stairs, groaning about his pounding headache and pouring himself some orange juice.

"So, when am I gonna meet that boy toy of yours?" Harry asks, his voice hoarse yet playful. Louis turns away from the bacon he's frying, frowning, "What 'boy toy'?" Harry sits on the counter, and Louis' ignoring the fact that he's wearing the smallest pair of boxers he's ever seen him in. "That Liam guy," Harry says, grabbing a mug to pour coffee in and Louis thinks he's so fucking weird, but he continues, "I've been waiting for you guys to kiss and make up already so I can meet the guy."

"It's…complicated, Harry," Louis mumbles, returning to the bacon, "I've told you that." Harry takes a big gulp of coffee and swishes it around in his mouth before he smacks his teeth, "How's it complicated, Lou?"

Louis' done with the bacon and is vigorously scrambling the eggs, his voice tense as he tells him, "You don't just go around kissing people and calling them beautiful like it's nothing." Harry reaches over and touches Louis' cheek, and Louis jerks away, glaring at him as Harry says, "I kiss you all the time. There's nothing wrong with that."

"This is completely different. He's straight."

"Did he tell you that?" Harry casually grabs a piece of bacon, but drops it and hisses at the hot touch.

"What? Harry—"

"Answer the question, Lou."

Louis shrugs, "Well, no, but—"

"Well, there you go. Gay."

Louis turns off the stove before he forgets, "That doesn't mean he's gay. Besides, he invited his annoying girlfriend Danielle over for Thanksgiving."

"I don't know, though," Harry downs the orange juice, "He did kiss you, twice, and that's pretty gay if you ask me." Louis grunts, "Oh shut up, loser."

"Louis," Harry hops down from the counter, pulling down the bottom of his boxers, "You're an idiot. Liam likes you. It's simple. I don't know why you're making it so complicated."

-

Louis frowns at Harry as they sit at the small wooden kitchen table to eat, because he knows Harry's right, but he fucking can't stand it when Harry actually makes sense. It's racking his brain as he chews on his food, and it's pointless because he's not even hungry anymore.

Maybe he did make a mistake, he thinks, and maybe there really is something more to Liam that he's willing to admit. It's always been there, though—the hope that Liam actually turns out to be gay—but Louis can't get pass the idea that someone could think he, of all people, is beautiful. Sure, he has the perfect face for modeling, a stomach that any guy would die to have, and a butt any girl would die to have, but the word "beautiful" never seems to be the first word that pops to mind whenever he meets a guy who evidently turns out to be a one-night stand. It's usually around the lines of "so fucking hot" or "you've got such a sexy body" or something lame. Superficiality surrounded Louis in Los Angeles and he learned to numb himself with thinking that guys only wanted him for his body, and he doesn't want to believe that Liam actually might have real feelings for him, because no one can. He's just a piece of ass, and no little schoolboy crush is gonna make him think otherwise.

-

Christmas is really close, and Louis' decorating this small evergreen tree he decides to buy in the spirit of the holiday. He doesn't really have a stance on Jesus or anything, but he's not too big on Jesus Freaks and people who take it a little too seriously. He just likes the opportunity to decorate a tree with red and silver tinsels, along with small round and sparkly gold ornaments that lead up to the top of the small tree, and Louis ties a red ribbon with gold trim on the top of the tree to finish it off. He smiles at his work of art, proud, and he pour himself a glass of wine to celebrate. He drinks it slowly, taking his time as he tries to find something to watch, but there's never anything good to watch on Sunday afternoons. He abandons his plan to savor the flavor of the wine and downs it, placing the glass on the coffee table after he turns off the TV to take a nap on the couch.

The sound of glass breaking abruptly wakes Louis from his short nap, and he hears someone screaming, and a woman yelling Liam's name follows shortly after. Louis' heart drops, and any intention of cutting Liam out of his life is quickly forgotten when he  
jumps up and rushes out of his front door. He finds Liam, dressed in a navy blue thermal and big plaid pajama pants and heaving on his hands and knees in his front yard in the snow with his head down, and Louis leaps off of his porch and runs to him.

"Liam! What's wrong? Are you alright—"

His words fade when Liam looks up at him, his face wet with tears and the look on his face nearly tears Louis' soul from his body.

"Louis," he manages. He's crying so hard that it's barely audible. Louis' on the brink of tears from see this, but he suppresses them to reach down and attempt to lift Liam, and he does, but he's heavy.

"Come on," Louis says, wrapping Liam's limp arm around his shoulder, leading them towards Liam's house, "Let's get you home and we'll figure this out." Liam suddenly gathers a burst of strength and starts resist, "No! No, I don't want to go back there! Louis, I need you." Louis stops, and his bare feet are fucking freezing in the snow, and he looks over at Liam's house and sees that the door is wide open, and he gets an uneasy feeling.

"Please," Liam begs, burying his face into Louis' neck. His face is cold yet unbelievably warm, and Louis worries about Liam's well-being. "Please don't make me go back there."

If it were anyone else, Louis would have ignored the pleas and probably would have dragged the person back, but he finds himself helping Liam back to his house, insisting that he's only doing this because he's freezing his nuts off, and when Liam doesn't even smile at his joke, Louis knows something is seriously wrong.


	16. Chapter 16

16\. Liam

It feels like déjà vu when Liam wakes up in a disoriented state on Louis' bed, except now he's under the covers with a small, wet hand towel folded across his forehead, and he looks at the nightstand and sees a cup of tea that looks fresh. His mouth is dry and his throat hurts when he swallows, and he struggles out of the firmly tucked sheets to sit up and sip on the tea. He can feel his mouth soaking up the chamomile tea like a dry sponge, and it tickles a little when he feels the liquid traveling down into his body. He takes a deep breath, his eyes closed as he feels the tea steam caress his face.

"Glad to see you're still alive," he hears Louis say, and he's surprised that he didn't see Louis leaning next to the window, smiling. It's snowing heavily, and Liam can tell that a few hours have passed because it's significantly dark outside. He smiles wearily at Louis, and Louis walks over to the edge of the bed. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm alright," Liam lies, his voice hoarse and low. Louis folds his arms, but his voice is soft when he asks Liam.

"What's going on here, Liam?"

Liam knew this was coming, and he wants to put it off for as long as possible, but Louis needed answers, and Liam owes it to him for dragging him into this mess.

"I...told my mom that I'm gay."

Louis stops breathing, and he looks shaken up when Liam looks up to inspect his silence, and when he finally speaks, his voice makes a pubescent crack as he asks, "Well, are you sure? Like, do you know for sure that you're, um, gay?"

Liam nods without hesitation, "Yes. It's taken a while for me to come to terms with it, but I know I'm gay."

"Did she kick you out or something?"

He looks down before he answers Liam, and the memory rushes through his body, "She told me to get out and then she…she broke my light show lamp." It sounds ridiculous, even to Liam, but Louis sounds concerned when he asks, "What's so special about that lamp?" Liam doesn't really know if he wants to tell him, but he does anyway.

"My, um…my dad gave it to me before he died."

Louis' face changes from flabbergasted to furious as he sits on the edge of the bed, "What the fuck? And she broke it?"

"Not on purpose," Liam assures him, "I just…I got so mad when she told me that gays burn in hell and that I should pray for forgiveness, so I told her I didn't believe in God anymore, but I still do. I don't even know why I said it."

"You've been hanging around me too much, Li," Louis says smiling, and it makes Liam feel weird, because they've been talking like they haven't been avoiding each other for the past two months. Louis must read his mind, because he clears his throat and stands, "Well, you should get some rest before we go talk to her tomorrow."

"No," Liam shakes his head, "I am not speaking to her. She told me to get out."

"You're gonna have to talk to your mother eventually, Liam."

He doesn't answer him, looking away, and Louis sighs, "Look, you can stay here for a couple of days, but ultimately your mom is gonna miss you and you're gonna miss your mom. Just get some rest and we'll talk about this in the morning."

Liam nods and thanks him, but Louis rolls his eyes, "Whatever."

"Where are you gonna sleep?" Liam asks, trying to hide the excitement boiling in his stomach with the hope that he just might be sharing a bed with Louis again, but Louis crushes his optimism when he tells him he's sleeping downstairs on the couch. Louis  
gives him two capsules of Tylenol Cold and the biggest pair of pajamas he has, and Liam takes a shower in the bathroom in Louis' room, a little uncomfortable because he's naked in Louis' home, and goes back to sleep once he's blanketed under the covers.

-

Liam wakes up rather late the next morning. He feels a lot better after he showers again. He walks down the cold steps in his bare feet and finds that Louis is sitting on the couch, covered in a navy blue blanket and surfing through the cable channels to find something to watch, when he looks up and sees Liam standing rather awkward at the bottom of the steps.

"Morning, sunshine," Louis says, setting the remote down on the table and standing up to take off the blanket. Liam knows Louis is freezing, but somehow Louis manages to squeeze his curvaceous body into the shortest red shorts known to mankind with a black tank top, and Liam swallows at the sight.

"Hi," he manages to say before he gulps. Louis walks over to him a little, smiling. "Did you sleep well?"

"Yeah, thanks. It's really cold down here," he rubs the sides of his arms to warm himself.

"Hell yeah, it is," Louis says, shivering and probably regretting taking off that blanket. "Are you hungry?"

Liam nods quietly and it makes Louis smile, "Good, that means you're getting better. Come on."

Liam feels weird, sitting at the kitchen table and watching Louis make this delicious looking omelet for him. He's also glad that the table covers the lower half of his body, because Louis' fluid and graceful movements while he's cooking tightens the clothes around his body, and it makes Liam's pants a little tight.

Liam notices throughout the day how Louis' ignoring what happened yesterday, and it makes everything so much easier. Everything is light and fun, and Liam almost completely forgets that his mother destroyed his precious childhood memory of his father.  
It's around seven at night and Liam gets sleepy as they're watching Disney channel on the living room couch, something that Louis greatly opposes, but compromises because Liam really wants to watch Toy Story. He's dozing off when he feels a foot jab him in the side, and he jumps at the tickle it produces.

"You can go to sleep, you know. You're not obligated to keep me entertained."

Liam blinks and shakes himself awake, "No, no, I'm up. I'm not sleepy." Louis snorts as he gets up, and he pulls Liam to his feet, leading him up the stairs, "Oh, shut up. Here, I'll put you to bed before I shower, alright?" Liam nods sleepily, following Louis and half-registering the fact that Louis' fingers intertwine with his.

Liam's drowsiness dissipates as he's lying in Louis' bed. He can hear the water running in the bathroom, and he closes his eyes, imagining Louis' wet, naked body under the showerhead. He feels himself grow in the black gym shorts that Louis lends him, and just as he's about to give into the temptation of reaching underneath the covers to touch himself, the bathroom door swings open. Louis' standing there, wet and shiny with only a short white towel wrapped around his waist. His hair is slick back and it emphasizes on the sharp structure of his face. Liam's eyes travel down Louis' body and fall on the outline that Louis creates in the towel. Liam doesn't realize how long he's staring at it until Louis giggles, "What? It was the only towel I had left, since you used all of the good ones." Liam laughs nervously, closing his eyes to rid the erection under the sheets. He stays quiet as Louis looks for clothes to change into, and he settles on yet another pair of shorts and a tank top before returning to the bathroom. Liam pretends to be asleep when Louis' done, and doesn't answer him when he says goodnight before leaving the room.

-

Liam wakes up when he feels the weight of the bed shift, and he turns and sees that Louis is nesting his way under the covers next to him. He's lying as far away as he can from Liam, facing the other way.

"I thought you were gonna sleep on the couch?" Liam asks, turning over onto his other side to face Louis, who has his back to him. Louis sounds irritated when he answers him. "It's fucking freezing down there. I'm really starting to hate this fucking place." Liam laughs, "Yeah, you never really get used to the weather." Louis exhales loudly, "The snow's nice, though. I've actually never seen it snowing outside before." Liam sits up a little, "Yeah. I remember when I was little I used to make snow angels all over the backyard. It was fun, but my back was um…'fucking freezing,' as you would say." Louis gasps as he turns over onto his other side to face Liam and scoots closer, and his blue eyes are bright even in the darkness.

"Liam! You just said a curse word!"

Liam smiles, a little proud of himself, but there's a hint of guilt and shame as he nods his head, "I know." Louis smacks him on the arm, and his hand is cold and makes a smiling Liam hiss. "You're not supposed to swear, dumbass! I don't want God to strike you with lightning and then I'd have to clean up the mess." Liam just laughs and looks at Louis, who's laughing because Liam finds him funny. The laughing dies down, but neither of them looks away. Liam's scared, because he can't trust himself to stay in control anymore, even when he's completely sober, and he's terrified of how Louis will react when he reaches out to touch Louis' cold face. Louis' face falls, like he's unsure, but Liam inches closer, his hand still on his cheek. Louis gulps, and it's so quiet that Liam can hear his own heart beating mercilessly in his chest. He's nervous as hell, but Louis' right in the palm of his hand, and he couldn't want anything more than what's in front of him. A marvelous feeling overwhelms him, swirling in his stomach, and rushing through his nervous system, and he strokes Louis' eyebrow delicately with his thumb.

"You okay?" Louis asks, his voice hushed, and it echoes in Liam's head because he loves it so much to hear him speak, or even to blink, or smile, or just exist. "Yeah," Liam whispers back, "I'm just…I think I'm in love with you."

Louis smiles and it's so big that you can't see the tears forming in his eyes as he manages to respond.

"I know," Louis' hand covers Liam's, "I'm in love with you, too."

Liam breathes out a laugh, as if he's in disbelief, and a tear falls as he's smiling. Soon enough, the both of them are laughing, and it feels like an enormous weight has been lifted from their shoulders. Louis gently swipes his thumb across Liam's cheek to remove the wet tear as the laughter dies out, his other hand travelling down to Liam's shoulders. He guides Liam down onto his back and climbs on top of him, never breaking eye contact. Everything is slow and dreamy, and Liam wants to close his eyes, but Louis' blue gaze forces their eyes to stay connected.

Louis lowers his face closer to Liam's, and Liam can feel his breath tickle gently onto his lips. Their proximity frightens Liam, because it's so real and he's so very conscious right now, but he wants to feel Louis' lips against his, so he rests his hand on the back of Louis' neck and pulls him in, connecting their lips soft enough that they barely touch. Louis stares into Liam's wide brown eyes as they revel in each other's lips, and Louis starts to giggle after he breaks the kiss.

"What?" Liam asks, smiling at the way Louis' mouth is curving obscenely upwards and the way his eyes disappear behind his crinkled eyes. Louis brings a hand up to his own face and touches his smooth cheeks, "Nothing, it's just that I can feel your scruff scratching my face." Liam blushes, covering his facial hair with both hands, "Oh, I'm sorry! I could shave it off or something, I don't know—"

"No, it's fine," Louis removes Liam's hands from his face, "I like it. It tickles." He giggles again when he lowers his cheek onto Liam's cheek and rubs playfully, and Liam can't help but laugh at this child of a man. Louis presses his lips to Liam's cheek, leaving a trail of kisses up to Liam's lips before connecting them again. Liam could feel Louis smiling against his lips, and he wraps his arms around the smaller man's torso and hugs him close before he rolls on top of Louis. Liam breaks the kiss this time, and he can see the smile on Louis' face fading as he towers over him.

The room falls silent and still, the only audible noises coming from the occasional gusts of wind guiding the snowflakes from the sky to the ground outside and the hum of the heating system in the walls of Louis' house. Liam rests between Louis' open legs, feeling Louis' smooth legs brush against his leg hair and Louis' crotch nudge into his stomach. It catches him by surprise, but Liam places his strong arms on either side of Louis' head, holding himself up, and he watches the exponential anxiety take over Louis' face.

"We don't, um…we don't have to do anything you don't want to do, you know." Louis' voice is soft and a bit shaky.

It hasn't really occurred to Liam that there's a possibility of actually doing "anything" with Louis tonight, if at all, but the idea sends vibrations from his torso all the way down to the pit of his loins, and his hips involuntarily roll against Louis' crotch, slowly, and he can definitely feel the underside of Louis' erection under his red short shorts. A choked breath escapes Louis' mouth and he looks worried, but the way he nibbles at his bottom lip and the way his jaw clenches only edges on Liam's slow, "involuntary" hip movements.

"I know," Liam hums, holding himself up effortlessly with one arm as he uses his other hand to run through Louis' soft hair. Louis' body trembles underneath Liam, and he wraps his shaking legs around Liam's waist, pushing his hips up to meet Liam's achingly slow thrusts. Liam stops the thrusts to sit up on his knees and run his hands down the course of Louis' chest and abs, landing on the hem of the tank top. He watches Louis as he experimentally slips his fingers inside the tank top, pressing his fingers into his stomach as they slither up to his nipples. They brush up against his nipples and Louis breathes out a low moan, his eyes closed. Liam does it again after his hip movements recommence, taking both nipples between his fingers, and pinching. It gains a very reactive response from Louis, and Liam can see just how responsive Louis is by the way he's leaking and poking out of the waistband of his shorts. Louis catches Liam looking at his erection, and Liam's mouth is watering when he tweaks at Louis' nipples once more and asks, "Can I touch it?" Louis' head is spinning that he nearly forgets to nod in affirmation, and soon he's in a whirlwind of pleasure when he feels Liam's big palm smoothing over the length of his erection through his shorts.

Liam does nothing but watch Louis' reactions as he touches him, his own arousal slowly and deeply infecting his body. Louis suddenly pushes himself up by his weak arms and shoves Liam onto his back, straddling Liam and practically scraping his erection on Liam's as he forces his tongue into Liam's mouth. Liam moans into Louis' mouth, accepting the taste of Louis' tongue on his taste buds and gripping at his sides. Louis sits back a little and pulls his shirt above his head, and Liam nearly sobs at the fact that he can actually touch and look at Louis' fantastic body without shame, and he slides his hands down Louis' chest, leaving one hand attached to his nipple and watching closely as Louis' face contorts with pleasure. Louis opens his eyes and stares pleadingly into Liam's, panting with his mouth open just a little, and Liam feels his straining erection twitch in his shorts, and pretty soon Louis buries his tongue into Liam's mouth again.

Liam's apprehensive about moving his hands on Louis' body, but Louis breaks that barrier when he grabs Liam's hand and slips it onto his bum, forcing Liam to squeeze it and knead at his own free will. Liam quickly obliges, placing his other large hand on Louis' bum and squeezing rather harsh, but not as harsh as he thinks when Louis groans into his mouth and thrusts his hips even harder. Louis then reaches down between them and pulls Liam's shirt over his head before gripping Liam's erection in his hand, causing the boy to hiss and bite down on Louis' bottom lip between his teeth, which makes Louis grip harder.

"God Liam," Louis strains, Liam's hands returning to his bum, "You're so fuckin big." Liam moans and closes his eyes to allow his other senses to experience Louis: gripping the fleshiness of Louis' bum, listening to the low pants and delicate moans vibrate in his throat, tasting and smelling Louis' skin on his tongue. Louis continues to touch Liam, pushing back his foreskin and circling the head gently with his thumb. He crawls down Liam's shirtless body, licking his way down to Liam's crotch before pulling off his shorts, staring up at him with eyes hooded by his beautiful eyelashes. Liam's cock slaps against his stomach, wet and throbbing, and Louis bites his swollen bottom lip at the sight.

"I'm gonna make you feel so good, Liam." He says it like he really means it, like it was in his divine plan to please Liam Payne. Louis dives into Liam's crotch and inhales fiercely before wrapping his fingers around the base of Liam's cock. He pumps slowly, lapping at Liam's balls, and Liam has to control his breathing before he passes out at the foreign feeling. The feeling soon travels up the underside of his throbbing cock to the tip of his uncut penis, swirling underneath the foreskin. Liam's body jolts and he makes an embarrassing yelping noise, but Louis' tongue is incessant, and it feels better than anything Liam can possibly imagine when Louis tugs and nibbles at his foreskin. With one last swirl of his tongue, Louis takes Liam into his mouth, slowly and deliberately, like he's making love to Liam's penis. Liam's eyes shut tight, and he feels achingly close to coming in Louis' mouth, and he tries his hardest to think of anything other than Louis' warm wet mouth engulfing his cock. The lewd, slippery sounds that fill the room don't make it any easier for Liam's attempt to find a distraction, and when he's about to give up, he opens his eyes just in time to see his entire cock disappear into Louis' mouth, his throat tightening around it with what seems like practically no effort whatsoever.

"Louis," he sobs, accidentally gripping at the older man's hair and pulling him off. Louis stares up at him like an animal being denied its prey, with pupils so big and dark that someone might mistake him for a demon of some sort. He places his hand on Liam's thigh and rubs softly. "Baby," he hums, licking his wet, swollen lips. Liam shudders, and he nearly hates Louis for being so good to him. "It's okay. Come for me, baby." Liam can taste the sweetness of Louis' words on his tongue, the flavor of it quickening his heartbeat. He reaches down and caresses Louis' cheek, and Louis keens into it, turning his head to catch Liam's thumb between his lips. He doesn't break the eye contact as he sucks lightly on Liam's thumb and starts pumping his cock again, and Liam feels so overwhelmed with pleasure that he shudders once more. Louis pulls off of his thumb with a quiet pop, and he crawls up Liam's body to his face.

Louis leaves small, tender kisses up Liam's neck, reaching his ear, "You gonna come for me, baby?" Liam wants to last, wants this first intimate moment with this man that he loves to never end, but he can't take it anymore. He feels on the verge of tears when Louis starts sucking at his throat and collarbone and tweaking at his nipples, so he nods frantically, "Yes. Yes, Louis, I'll come for you." Louis' smirk seems a bit evil as he goes down on Liam again, and this time he sucks him faster, with more purpose, milking Liam's cock. Liam's heart thumps so hard in his chest that he doesn't realize how loud he's moaning and breathing, and he's gripping the bed sheets for dear life. Even when Liam tries to be defiant and make himself last, Louis seems to quickly catch on and tug at his balls, and soon Liam finds himself involuntarily fucking Louis' mouth. It makes Louis moan, sending vibrations to Liam's cock that filter into violent, pulsating shivers throughout Liam's body. He feels it; he feels his orgasm build not only in his loins, but he feels it tickle in his toes and flourish in his fingertips and titillate his taste buds. His lungs feel unmatched for what's to come, and with a strained, barely audible warning, he releases fiercely into Louis' mouth, his body jerking violently under Louis' mouth. Louis licks at Liam's soaked tip, making Liam's head spin as he writhes helplessly. He manages to look down and see his white liquid continuing to squirt out, drenching Louis' lips and tongue, and Louis only continues to lap at it.

"Fuck Liam," Louis moans, the sperm disappearing into his mouth as he climbs back up to meet Liam's mouth with his. Liam can taste himself on Louis' tongue, and it's intriguing how sweet it is, and in his post-orgasmic state, he wraps his big arms around Louis' small body and pulls him in to bury his tongue deep into Louis' mouth for more. His face is drenched with sweat, and he can't ignore Louis' erection poking at his stomach. "Touch me," Louis pleads, and Liam doesn't hesitate to follow orders, pumping quickly at his lover's cock.

Louis doesn't seem satisfied with it, so he hastily rearranges the position to where he's sitting on Liam's torso. Liam lays back in his daze and watches as Louis takes two of his large fingers and sucks on them, getting them wet and slick before slipping them inside of him. Liam stares up at Louis in wonder, watching the beautiful man ride his fingers as he pumps himself, his face unexplainably stunning and his moans piercing somewhere deep inside of Liam. Liam tests out this new, warm area he feels on his fingertips, crossing his fingers, and pushing up deeper into Louis. When he hooks them, he presses against something hard, and it makes Louis shout out and clench tight around his fingers, and soon he's coming, his sperm leaking out of his cock and running down his fist, and his voice about two octaves higher than Liam has ever heard before. Louis' practically fully seated on Liam's fingers, and Liam flutters his fingers on Louis' prostate, making Louis choke on his moan and forces him to brace himself up with a hand on Liam's broad chest.

Louis collapses down next to Liam on his back, and Liam watches him intently as he catches his breath. It's a really fascinating moment, Liam thinks, to watch a person come down from their orgasm. It's as if they're coming back to life, little by little, and Liam has a front row seat to Louis' beautiful rebirth. Louis' eyes open slowly, and he meets Liam's gaze with a smile.

"You're so beautiful," Liam says, and it feels like it's the first time he's ever said it. Louis tries to shy away, ducking his head into Liam's shoulder, but Liam shakes his head and pulls him close to press a soft kiss to his damp forehead. Louis bites his lip and swallows before he snuggles into Liam's side, laying his head on chest. He giggles a little, "Weird." Liam runs his hand through Louis' feathery, coffee brown hair, "What?"

"I think we, like, have the same heartbeat or something."


	17. Chapter 17

17\. Louis

Louis can't fucking stand the amount of space between him and Liam on the couch the next morning. It was Liam's idea to cut down on the sexual stuff for a bit, not his, and he's positively livid with the fact that Liam wakes him up with sweet, soft kisses on his neck. So now he's sitting too far from Liam for his taste, watching some bullshit TV movie about Christmas. Liam shoots him a reassuring look from time to time, or whenever something romantic or sweet happens on-screen, but it's simply not enough when Liam stretches and his shirt rides up a little. It's like Liam knows what the fuck he's doing to Louis and won't fucking stop it.

Louis gets bored and falls asleep, and when he wakes up a couple of hours later, he finds Liam's looking out of the window by the front door. Louis sneaks up behind him and sees that he's watching Mrs. Payne's minivan pull out of the driveway. He places his hand on Liam's shoulder, who jumps a little, but turns around and blinks.

"I thought you were sleeping." He wraps his arms around Louis and rests his chin on top of Louis' head. Louis gently wraps his arms around Liam's torso, closing his eyes and inhaling Liam's scent. "Yeah, I figured I'd wake up and grace you with my presence, because you know your life is boring without me." Liam giggles a little, and they're standing there, swaying back and forth to the rhythm of their heartbeats. Louis doesn't want to bring it up, but he knows he has to.

"Are you ready to talk to your mom?"

Liam halts their little dance, his body tensing. Louis unravels himself from Liam's embrace and looks up at him, studying his face. "You miss her, don't you?" Liam doesn't answer, but it's enough to make Louis shrug before he tangles himself back in Liam's arms, grinning. "Told you you'd miss her." Liam stays silent as they start to sway again, and Louis rolls his eyes, because he thought that they were way past the point in their relationship where Liam's so apprehensive to share his feelings with him. He shuts his eyes, pretending that he doesn't sound needy or like he's begging when he says, "Talk to me, Liam."

Liam rubs Louis' back softly, still silent, and Louis feels stupid. He's about to walk away in defeat when Liam takes him by the chin and tilts his head up to connect their lips. Sure, the kiss is soft and sweet, but it doesn't feel enough to Louis. It makes him feel even more stupid than before, because he wants Liam to fucking tell him something, anything, and he hates that he's getting like this. Soon, his thoughts start turning into self-doubt, making him question whether or not Liam even enjoyed the night before, or whether or not Liam's even in love with Louis as much as he says he is. It's turning into a quick but intense hurricane of self-destruction in Louis' head, and after Liam kisses him, he stares up at Liam, who's smiling wearily. Louis does what he does best and playfully jabs at Liam's stomach, smiling, "Fine, be that way, loser." He lets go of the young man and walks towards the kitchen, "I'm gonna make us something to eat." His mind is still wandering dangerously, but Liam would never know.

-

Christmas is exactly three days away, and things are starting to get really weird with Liam. He's incredibly happy whenever Louis' next to him, but whenever Louis sneaks a peek at him, he sees this distant, vacant look in his eyes. Louis' frustrated, almost to the point of slapping the shit out of him until he speaks the fuck up, but he knows that wouldn't solve anything. Not to mention the fact that they hadn't done anything sexual since the first time they did. Except for the occasional kissing and cuddling, Liam's apt on keeping it clean and soft, and it's the complete opposite of everything that Louis wants. Louis thinks that maybe he could actually manage this sexual abstinence if the fucking guy would just talk to him about things. But, since that's not the case, Louis' stuck with a guy who doesn't fuck him or talk to him.

He actually decides to wear jeans and an oversized blue sweater instead of shorts and a tank top after he hops out of the shower, and when he's barefoot when he steps silently down the stairs to find Liam lounging on the couch, fully wrapped in a green blanket and watching TV. Louis walks over and sits at Liam's feet, tickling him to distract him from the television, which proves to be unsuccessful. Louis frowns, looking to see what the fuck was so much more important on the TV, and when he sees that it's not important at all, he reaches up to poke Liam in the side. Liam doesn't flinch, and it's getting really fucking weird.

"Liam, what the fuck?"

Liam turns his head, and it's like he's studying Louis' face with such concentration that Louis' thrown off and forgets what he's about to say. Liam sits up, the blanket falling off the top half of his body. He's shirtless, and, from the looks of it, he doesn't appear to be wearing anything else underneath. Louis gulps when Liam closes the gap between them. Liam still doesn't say anything, even when he reaches out to caress Louis' face. Louis doesn't know what the hell is going on, and he's a little worried when Liam gently guides him down onto his back. He climbs out of the blanket, and not only is he naked, but he's hard, too. Louis' confusion doesn't stop his own dick from pulsating in his jeans when he sees Liam's huge cock, and he almost automatically throws his concerns into the trash when Liam cups his crotch into his large hand. He's not even kissing him, but the tenderness of Liam's touch makes up for it. He's simply staring at Louis in the same way he did the first night they did stuff: his eyes full of focus and lust, his lips partly opened, and brow furrowed with concentration. Liam slips his fingers down underneath Louis, grazing his hole through the jeans. Louis' looking for some sort of answer to why he's doing this when he looks up at Liam, but instead, Liam stops what he's doing in order to practically rip the jeans off of Louis' body, and it's not the answer Louis was looking for, but whatever.

Louis is surprisingly commando, and Liam leaves the oversized sweater on before lowering his lips onto Louis' cock. He looks up at Louis as he kisses along the shaft, and Louis' fucking flabbergasted at what the Catholic boy is doing. It blows his mind when Liam takes him by the ankles and lifts them above his head, bending him in half and he feels a little too exposed when Liam stares at his hole. The look in Liam's eyes as he stares hungrily at Louis' entrance turns Louis on beyond belief. Liam rests one of his hands on one of Louis' cheeks to hold him up, and he runs his fingers against Louis' hole, watching as it clenched at the touch. He gave a quick glance at Louis, whose face was now a bright pink, before he dove in. His tongue's relentless on Louis, and Louis can't fucking remember how to breathe anymore when he swirls his tongue in a circular motion, spiraling until he's right where he wants to be. Soon, he's practically fucking Louis with his tongue, and Louis doesn't remember Liam's tongue being so thick. He doesn't believe that the guy giving him a rim job right now is Liam, because he knows Liam as the quiet, innocent young Catholic boy from next door. But he's definitely being stretched out by Liam's tongue, and the pre-cum that's leaking profusely from his dick is creating a thin, clear line that starts at the tip of his dick and is about to land on his bottom lip.

Luckily, Liam unfolds him and the line dissipates onto his sweater, and before he can say anything, Liam's sticking two fingers inside of him, so abrupt that Louis lets out an unusual groan. Liam never seems to take his eyes off of Louis', and Louis thinks he looks so fucking good with his wet mouth. Liam practically reads his mind and attaches his lips onto Louis' pink neck, his fingers steadily working in and out of Louis, and his lips are as drenched as they look.

"Can I fuck you?"

Louis opens eyes as he gulps, realizing that Liam's directly in front of his face, biting his lip and pumping at his own dick while his fingers are still deep inside of Louis. Louis' speechless, because dear God he wants to say yes, and he's not in a position where he can exactly say no to Liam at all. Before he could even nod in approval, Liam takes his fingers out of Louis and hauls him onto his lap in such force that Louis yelps a little. Liam reaches behind Louis and grips his cheeks, kneading roughly at the flesh and pulling them apart to slip his hard cock in between Louis' cheeks. Louis wants it badly, and he reaches back to grab Liam's cock and he rubs the head against his wet, loosened hole, and Liam breaks the kiss to suck on his jawline. Louis nudges the tip past his rim, and Liam's biting on his neck hard, and Louis shuts his eyes and clenches at the bittersweet pain, making it difficult to push Liam's huge cock inside of him. Liam relaxes his bite, but his teeth are still attaches to Louis' neck, whose eyes squeeze tight, and Liam whimpers when Louis fully sits on his lap, bottomed out. Louis feels fuller than he's ever felt—Liam's cock is so fucking huge—and he sits for a while, clenching and unclenching around Liam with his arms draping around his neck and his fists gripping tightly at Liam's hair. Liam's bite intensifies when Louis starts to move on his dick, and Louis could feel Liam's canines slowly breaking into his skin. Liam's whimpering is low but at a high-pitch, and Louis feels an enormous amount of pride as he rides Liam's dick, his hole relentlessly clenching without any intention of easing up.

Liam starts to take control, using the hold he has around Louis' abdomen to lift him up and slam him down harshly on his cock, poking at a small bundle of nerves inside of Louis and driving him into ecstasy. Louis leans back onto his arms, head thrown back and he's practically shouting because of the intense pleasure, and his stance becomes unstable, as his arms grow weak. Liam senses this and, without pulling out, he lies Louis down onto his back and climbs on top of him, grasping Louis' ankles to spread his legs and driving his hips even harder into him, and Louis feels like he's about to die because Liam's so big and strong and towering over him and wildly pounding at his prostate. Liam's grinding his teeth together, animalistic grunts escaping his throat, and he presses his sweating forehead against Louis', eyes and cock tearing into Louis. It gets even worse when Liam's bending Louis practically in half and fucking slamming his cock down into his prostate, stabbing at it, and Louis knows he's close. But before he could even touch his own leaking hard-on, Liam reaches down and, with one tug, Louis' coming all over his chest and Liam's fist, clenching impossibly around Liam's dick, and his body is shaking with pleasure as Liam doesn't stop fucking him. And at the peak of his orgasm, Liam grips Louis' dick in his hand and pushes into Louis as deep as he can before he shoots inside of him, and Louis comes even harder from the feeling of Liam's hot liquid filling up inside of him. Liam cries out in silence, and he looks like he can't breathe because it's just so much, and when he finally pulls out and releases Louis to fall on top of his chest, he's crying silently to himself.

Louis wraps his arms around Liam, cradling the bigger but younger man in his embrace. He caresses his wet hair, soothing Liam, because he thinks he knows what this is all about. Louis stays silent this time, and the only thing left to hear is the soft sobbing coming from Liam.


	18. Chapter 18

18\. Liam

There's no denying that Liam misses his mother, but what makes it even worse is when he actually sees her walking out the Payne household, looking as if she hadn't slept in days. Liam feels terrible, watching as the short woman climbs into the family van and drive off to probably another painful day without her only child.

It's not his fault that she broke the lamp, Liam thinks, trying to find a way to shift the blame. It's useless, though, because he can't help but feel guilty for her suffering, which leads back to why the whole thing started in the first place. If Liam wasn't so rude about coming out to his mother, maybe she wouldn't have broken the lamp. Hell, if Liam weren't gay at all, there wouldn't be a problem to begin with.

His thought process is broken when he feels a hand on his shoulder, and it's Louis, still dressed in the clothes from last night. Last night, Liam thinks. Louis asks him about his mother, and Liam wants to avoid the topic altogether. He stays silent, reveling in the close contact and rubbing Louis' back. He feels his stomach flop when Louis begs for him to talk to him, because he sounds so innocent and vulnerable, and he can't help but kiss him. Even when Louis calls him a loser and walks away, Liam can't help but feel so happy that someone so beautiful, inside and out, is something he can claim as his.

Liam can't shake the decision on whether or not he's going to talk to his mother, and it rakes his brain for the next couple of days. He's stuck, living inside his head and fantasizing all the possibilities that could happen if he does or if he doesn't follow through with talking to his mother. What if Louis leaves him or throws him out? And what if he does talk to his mother? It's not guaranteed that she's going to be compliant or understanding, and it certainly doesn't erase the fact that she told him to get out. Liam's so caught up in his thoughts that he doesn't even bother to put on clothes, only wrapping his body in a blanket and going downstairs to clear his mind with television.

But, it doesn't help. It only makes it harder when there are shows and movies about family and being together for the holidays, and a deep, numbing feeling sinks down into Liam's stomach. He stares mindlessly at the television, and it takes a poke in the side to make him realize that Louis' sitting at his feet.

Louis literally becomes the sunshine in all of the darkness in his head, clearing his mind, even with the frown on his face. Liam wants to explain and tell him what's going on, but his mind is racing, too preoccupied, so his body takes over.  


And when he comes, it's like a strong, desperate hold on him finally releases, and all of the emotions locked in this box he'd been harnessing become so overwhelming that he starts to cry. It's truly amazing, and Liam's pretty sure that he died a little bit during his orgasm, because when he opens his teary eyes and sees Louis' beautiful, watery blue eyes, he feels like he came back to life.

-

Liam strikes down the rule of no touching the next day, and when Louis quietly asks about his mother again, Liam decides to surprise his mother on Christmas Day with a gift and the hopes of patching things up with her. He's extremely optimistic about the whole thing, and Louis supports him happily. It doesn't completely register that he's lost his virginity until they have sex again, and he feels kinda bad because he didn't particularly want the first time to be as it was, but Louis practically makes love to him the next time they have sex.

-

It's Christmas Eve and Liam wants to dress up nice, because that's typically what he and his mother do each year, so he sneaks into his house when his mother is gone and stuffs some clothes into the duffel bag he uses for swim, noticing how clean and empty the end table in his room looks without the lamp on it. He scurries back to Louis' house, walking in and finding that Louis' wearing these black slacks with black suspenders covering a brightly white dress shirt, but of course, he's barefoot. It's a very cute gesture, Liam thinks, for Louis to dress up so nicely just because his lover is, and Liam quickly crosses the room to where Louis' standing to kiss him.


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's one more chapter after this one, but I'm planning on doing a sort of series/epilogue series with this when I get the time. I'm so excited for what's to come, and I hope that you guys will like it! :)

19\. Louis

Later that night, Liam and Louis are a little too preoccupied taking selfies of themselves kissing and standing by the tiny Christmas tree that Louis had decorated to hear the hum of a brand new Corvette pull up into Louis' driveway, and they miss the tall, lanky man dressed in an Alexander Price suit when they relocate to the kitchen to have a glass of wine.

Louis jumps when they walk back into the living room, almost spilling the glass in his hand when he finds Harry lounging in the armchair with his legs open wide. "Harry! When did you get here?" Harry stands, a devious look spread across his face, and Liam looks a bit uncomfortable when his eyes meet Louis' eyes. "Oh, I was dropping by. I didn't know you'd have guests! Who's your friend?" Liam gives Louis this look, like a puppy who's in a desperate search of its mother, and Louis guides them over to the couch, his hand on Liam's shoulder as he introduces him, "This is Liam. Liam, this is Harry, my best friend."

"So this is the notorious Liam," Harry says, "Louis' told me a lot about you." Liam's eyes light up a bit as he looks at Louis, "Really?" Louis tries his hardest telepathically to tell Harry to shut the fuck up, but it obviously doesn't work when Harry answers, "Definitely. So, I heard you're Catholic?" Louis clears his throat and claps his hands, "So, Harry, what are you doing here?" Harry migrates and plops down in the seat next to Liam and puts his arm around him and Liam goes still, "Like I said, I was just dropping by to see my favorite little 'mo, but it seems like I'm late for the party! Good thing I got some leftover tequila in my trunk." Liam's eyes grow wide, but it doesn't shock Louis, because it's typical Harry, but Louis can't fully trust himself. But before he could open his mouth, Harry's leaping out of seat and out of the front door to his car.

"Um, he seems nice," says Liam, almost too quiet to hear. Louis sighs and sits next to Liam, "Yeah, right. What did he say to you?" Liam shrugs, "Nothing really. He just walked right in and sat down. Was your door locked?" Louis' eye twitches, "I thought I did, but it always seems to unlock itself whenever he's coming over. Ugh." Liam smiles, but it fades shortly before he asks, "Um...are we really gonna drink tequila?" Louis places a hand on Liam's back and rubs it slowly, "You don't have to if you don't want to, Liam." "I mean, I don't mind," Liam says, "I just, um...I'm nervous about how I'll get around your friend." Louis snorts, "You're not worried about being a mess, are you?" He giggles, but Liam looks at him with this worried expression, and Louis gasps, "Oh, my god. You are worried." Liam shuffles a little, obviously uncomfortable and unwilling to proceed with this conversation, but Louis scoots closer, "Liam, trust me, if anyone's gonna be a mess, it's gonna be Harry." Liam smiles wearily, and looks at the door, "Did he park far? He's been gone for a while now." Louis grunts, rubbing the side of his temple with his fingers, "The bitch probably went to buy more alcohol. I don't know why he even exists sometimes." Liam laughs at Louis' pain, but when the door swings open and in comes Harry, carrying a rather large bottle of Jose Cuervo in one hand and a bottle of cranberry juice in the other, Liam stares at the bottle in silence. "You got any limes, Lou?"

-

Louis's feeling rather disoriented when it comes to his fifth shot of the night, versus Liam's third, which proves to be almost too much for sweet little Liam to take. Louis watches as Liam's inhibitions slowly disappear, along with his shirt at some point, and soon, the three men are teaching the eighteen year old the rules of Ten Fingers, which becomes progressively too invading if you ask Louis. He quickly loses the game first, and Liam still has eight fingers up when Harry loses. Harry gets ultra-cheeky and rewards the winner with another shot of now lukewarm tequila, and Liam's face scrunches up when it burns down his throat. Louis laughs, shaking his head as he gets up to make his way to the bathroom, and when he comes back, Liam and Harry seemed to have switched seats: Liam's sitting on the couch where Harry had sat, and Harry's leaning back in the armchair with his hands folded behind his head. There's a distinct, quiet tension in the air, like when Harry first arrived, and it's awkward and creepy and intriguing all at once.

Liam's face and neck are red, and Louis takes note as Liam's eyes scan his body before he sits down next to him. Liam's gaze doesn't seem to break, even when he moves closer to Louis, pulling him into his arms, and Louis can feel the muscles in Liam's stomach clench and release on his back. Louis looks over at Harry, and Harry is staring straight at them, watching as Liam starts to kiss the side of Louis' neck, and Louis giggles and shifts a little. Something pokes him in the back when he sits up a little, and just as he's realizing just how hard Liam is, Liam's sliding a hand up his torso and kissing him with more fervor. Louis' looking at Harry like he's not supposed to be seeing this, and he's about to stop Liam when Liam's thick fingers tweak one of his nipples, his ultimate sweet spot, and he practically melts in his embrace. Soon, he finds himself straddling Liam, Liam's mouth completely devouring his nipple. The blood and alcohol rush to his head, making him feel dizzy and even more intoxicated than before, and he's so turned on that he leans forward and starts mouthing at Liam's hair, licking and kissing until he reaches his scalp. Liam seems to fancy it, and he starts to ruck his hips up into Louis', quickly losing his balance, making Louis fall onto his back on the coffee table. Liam's already climbing up his body, but Louis feels the need to drag him up to his face by the hair, so he does, and Liam seems to fancy that, too. Liam buries his tongue into Louis' mouth, still grinding his hips into Louis', and Louis feels like he's about to blow just from mere friction. He tilts his head to his right and sees that Harry's palming at himself through his dress pants, his eyes intense, and there's a strange, tingling thrill that makes Louis shiver because of it. Liam sees this exchange, and Louis thinks he's hallucinating when he sees Liam nod once at Harry. Harry rises from his seat, the outline of his cock fully visible in his pants, and walks slowly over to where Louis' head rests on the coffee table.  


Louis looks at Liam, who's staring at Harry with an unexplainable look in his eyes. Louis lifts himself up and wraps an arm around Liam's neck, holding himself up so that he could be able to look at both Liam and Harry, who are still staring at each other.

"What's going on?" Louis' words slur as he turns to sit sideways on Liam's lap. Harry raises an eyebrow, smirking, and Liam responds with a shrug, all the while Louis sits clueless on Liam's lap. Harry starts palming at his crotch again, and Liam reaches for the Jose Cuervo to take a swig, and Louis' slowly learning that Liam's full of surprises that he'd never expect from him, and it kinda turns him on. Liam then stands up, holding Louis almost effortlessly in his arms, and starts to kiss him as he walks toward the stairs. Harry stops them midway, and Louis doesn't know what to do when Harry starts kissing him. It's a pretty bold move to do when he's in the arms of his lover, Louis thinks, but it doesn't stop Harry at all. It gets really weird when Liam starts rubbing Louis' crotch as Harry's kissing him, and Louis thinks he's starting to get an idea of what's going on, but then Harry stops kissing him and leans over to kiss Liam.

Initially, Louis' stricken with betrayal and wants to do something, but his body works against his will, turning that anger into jealousy strung from the idea of being left out on something so fucking hot. The alcohol in his system urges him to push himself into this wet, tongue-filled kiss, nudging his lips in until Harry and Liam finally start to kiss him again. Harry grabs Liam by the arm and guides them up the stairs, Liam still kissing Louis, and the three of them disappear into the bedroom.


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Three years later...
> 
> Sorry for the extremely late update. Life has and always will happen.
> 
> I'm still very excited to show you guys what I've been working on here and there for this story. This will still be a story in parts, however, Part II will be much shorter than Part I.
> 
> Enjoy, and stay tuned!

20\. Liam & Louis

Liam has never felt a hangover as intense as the one he's feeling on Christmas morning. He wakes up a little too early for someone who went to sleep around three in the morning. His body's tangled between Harry and Louis, and he seriously has to pee, but he doesn't want to wake either one of the naked men. He lies there, trying his hardest to drift his mind away from the need to pee, which is easy, considering what happened last night.

Liam could lie and say that it was entirely Harry's idea because initially it was, but the liquid courage in Liam's body could not turn down such a proposition. Harry had used Louis' time in the bathroom to slither next to Liam and whisper dirty things into his ear, taunting Liam. Liam was beyond ready when Louis came back to them and, with another mouthful of that disgusting tequila, Liam and Harry took Louis to the bedroom, intending on doing all the things that Harry had promised. Liam's a little worried about how sore Louis might be, with all the switching and, once, at the same time.

He couldn't help but feel dirty, though, as if he had plunged his body deep into some sort of green, oozing sewage, drowning and swallowing everything he's submerged in. He turns his head to look at Louis, who's resting delicately in a fetal position by his side, his lips idly pressed up against Liam's ribcage. He looks as precious as always, peaceful and happy. He turns to look at this new stranger, Harry, who's laying on his back with a hand on the back of his neck, and he even looks cool in his sleep. Liam wonders how he got to this point: one day he's sitting at Sunday mass, anticipating the weekly one-sided talk with Danielle about her strange, obnoxious friends to laying between two extremely attractive naked older men after a night of intense, passionate coitus. He decides it's time to get up and use the bathroom. He presses a soft kiss onto Louis' forehead, and he stares at Harry for a moment before kissing him on his full, pink lips, and it feels nice.

-

Harry sticks around for Christmas, cracking jokes from time to time that Liam finds absolutely hilarious, but Louis just rolls his eyes and throws whatever object is closest to him at Harry, one being an ornament from the mini-Christmas tree. Liam knows he's stalling, saving every moment he can to avoid talking to his mother, but it's almost three in the afternoon, and Louis keeps reminding him to take the gift that he got for his mother over to the house when he decides it's time to talk. Harry defends Liam, to his surprise, saying that he doesn't have to talk to her if he doesn't want to. Liam appreciates it, but later, he finds himself walking up to his front door, a small box in his hand. He rings the doorbell instead of walking in, to be respectful, but no one answers. He looks at the driveway and sees that his mom's van is indeed there, so he rings it again. No one answers, and Liam starts to think that maybe this was a bad idea. Maybe his mother didn't want him back, or maybe she didn't want to see him, let alone talk to him. He starts to get antsy, and when no one answers when he rings the doorbell again, he gathers the courage to use his own key to open the door and lets himself in.

The house is quiet, museum-like as if no one has ever stepped foot in the house. It's unusual how foreign his own home feels, and it takes him a minute to take in the fact that this is actually the home he grew up in. With the box still in his hand, Liam walks slowly through the living room and into the kitchen, and it's as deserted as all the other rooms downstairs. He calls for his mother, but there's still no answer. He recalls seeing her the other day and how exhausted she looked, so he figures that she just might be resting in her bedroom, so he climbs the stairs. When he finds her room to be as vacant as the rest of the house, he stands there for a moment, looking at his mother's things. There's a rather large cross hanging above the headboard of her bed, and Liam remembers it being a gift from Father Thomas when she decided to pursue Catholicism. Mrs. Payne had been quite the neurotic, overbearing mother before his father's death, but ever since the start of her undying devotion to Christ, she had developed this unscrupulously strict parenting style that Liam remembers destroying the majority of his childhood. She had forced Liam into Catholic school, dictating his life for him and stripping him of all traces of individuality, and it was all because of some stupid fucking love for some stupid fucking man that doesn't even exist. Liam's getting angry, and he leaves his mother's room to go get some of his stuff to take back to Louis' house and forget about the whole thing.

He opens his room door but stops in the doorway.

The lamp that was given to him by his father was sitting on the end table, reconstructed and good as new, maybe even better. The sight would have been an absolute miracle if it weren't for Mrs. Payne's lifeless body sprawling across the carpet, a bottle of pills in one hand and a spilled glass of water next to the other.

~

It's taking for-fucking-ever for Liam to get back, and Louis' starting to lose his patience with Harry and the weird fucking way he keeps joking and looking at him. Like, sure, he let the both of them fuck him at the same time, but that doesn't mean anything. Louis could sense this possessiveness from Harry while they were fucking last night, and maybe it's because Louis is actually seeing someone other than him, but Harry's acting different and Louis doesn't like it.

Louis' coming back from the bathroom, wearing this red, woolen sweater with a pair of black jeans, and Harry's standing in the doorway of the kitchen, watching whatever's on TV with two glasses of red wine in his hands. He sees Louis coming his way and reaches out to give the glass to Louis, but Louis rolls his eyes and walks past him to sit on the couch. Harry follows him anyway, smiling and persistent on offering the glass of wine to Louis when he takes a seat next to him. Louis ignores him, flipping through the channels to find something worth watching. Harry laughs to himself, and it causes this burning coil in Louis' stomach, and soon Louis finds himself downing the glass of wine and almost breaking the glass when he slams it on the coffee table. Harry continues to laugh lowly to himself before he sips his wine.

"So, how're you feelin'?"

"I'm fine." Louis regrets downing the wine, because he's in desperate need of more alcohol.

"I'm surprised you're able to walk after last night," Harry chuckled, taking another sip. "I was pretty relentless." Louis grits his teeth and stays silent, not wanting to give into this little game he knows Harry is playing. He manages to slip past Harry to reach the fridge and refill his glass, but Harry follows close behind, "Is everything okay?" Louis slams the door of the fridge, "I said I'm fine." He avoids eye contact the entire time back to the living room. Harry joins him, this time sitting in the armchair, and paying close attention to whatever's on TV. It amazes Louis how Harry can just switch from one moment to the next without much effort, and it makes Louis uncomfortable being the only irritated one of the two. All of his thoughts dissolve with the help of what's left in his wine glass, and he's brought back to reality with the faint mumble of Harry's voice, "I knew it was a bad idea." Louis looks up fro his empty glass and sees Harry is unmoved, his eyes on the TV but his mind somewhere else. Louis doesn't even try to pretend he didn't hear him.

"Why is that?"

"I knew you'd be like this," Harry starts cracking his knuckles.

"Like what?"

"You're pulling away, like you always do," Harry's hands are in fists.

"Pulling away? From what?"

"From me. From us, from...I don't know," Harry folds his hands and continues to stare at nothing on the TV.

Louis rolls his eyes, "Look, you're not fucking me, alright? So you can just cut the bullshit."

Harry chuckles to himself, shaking his head, "Right, cause that's all I want from you, Louis. All I wanna do is fuck."

"Then what the fuck do you want from me, Harry? What is all this? Why the fuck are you being so weird all of a sudden?" It takes a while for Louis to register that he's standing next to where Harry's seated now, Harry staring up at him with a slight smirk.

"Kiss me."

Louis backs up, thrown off, "What?"

"Kiss me," Harry stands, crowding around Louis, "kiss me, and then tell me why I'm doing this."

"I'm not gonna kiss you, Harry."

"Just do it, Lou," Harry grabs the back of Louis' neck and pulls him close enough to feel his breath against his lips, but stops to let Louis decide.

Louis' brow furrows, and he's staring only at Harry's lips to avoid his intense gaze, and his voice trembles as he speaks, "Why are you doing this?"

Harry strokes his thumb across Louis' cheek, taking a moment to look at him. Harry loosens his grip on Louis, but Louis wraps his arms around Harry's neck and pulls him down into a kiss. Louis feels desperate, almost as if his life depended on this moment. The back of his sweater starts rising up, and he expects Harry to take it off, but instead he feels Harry's big hands exploring the expanse of his bare back, touching with the sole purpose of touching. Harry's mouth is gentle against Louis' hard, desperate kisses, and he seems calmer than Louis' ever seen him in times like these. Harry's arms wrap completely around Louis' torso, and he's hugging him close, gently, and Louis can't help but thrust up into Harry's leg. He's breathing hard, the weight of his body pushing Harry into his seat on the arm of the armchair. Louis takes this opportunity to straddle Harry and rub his erection against Harry's, and he moves Harry's hands down to his bum.

"Yeah, baby, this what you wanted?"

Harry just looks at him.

"Tell me you want me, Harry," Louis' hips start to move faster. Harry moves his hands up into Louis' fringe, pulling him into a tender, slow kiss. He moves one hand down into Louis' jeans and wraps it around Louis, allowing him to fuck into his hand. "Tell me you want me, Harry," Louis pleads, his voice as desperate as his thrusts. He's about to repeat himself, but Harry cuts him off with a rough kiss, crashing their lips together and biting down on Louis' bottom lip. Louis loses it, loses himself in this, and he comes hard in his jeans. Louis' hips still move, only slowly, as he rides out his orgasm, Harry's mouth persistent on his. Harry removes his wet, messy hand from Louis' jeans and brings it to his mouth. He makes a point to lick his hand clean as Louis watches, and he shoves his tongue into Louis' mouth to give him the taste. Louis feels weak, almost dizzy in Harry's arms as Harry continues to kiss the breath away from him. His mouth is raw, and his bottom lip has a small split by the time Harry releases him.

Louis stares at Harry as he buttons his jeans, searching.

"Did you want me to finish you off?"

"No," Harry gets up and walks over to the bathroom, leaving the door open as he washes his hands. Louis takes a seat on the couch, reaching for his wine glass before he realizes it's empty. He gets up to refill it again when he hears what sounds like Liam screaming from next door.

**Author's Note:**

> Did you like it?
> 
> Also, I've basically written everything out already, but I'm more than willing to take any suggestions or commentary. :)


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